Stupid RTS Mission Objectives!

Okay, I'm a little angry at Homeworld 2 right about now after wasting almost forty five minutes just trying to complete the second mission and in general, hundreds of RTS games who more or less have used the same sort of attempts at gameplay that makes me want to punch them in the face with steel gloves with sharp rusty spikes on the knuckles covered with the Ebola Virus.

So below is a list of things in RTS Mission Campaigns that piss me off and make me want to hurl something in the wall in general frustration when I fail the goddamn mission for the fortieth time forcing me use to cheats just to get to the less crappy parts of the campaign. Pay attention future game developers:

The Frustrating As Hell Escort Mission:

The plot of the damn story usually at the early part or middle parts of the games campaign ALWAYS sticks you with some weak ass convoy or units to escort in the middle of a dangerous war zone. Excuse me, But I am the Goddamn Head Commander General of the Pwnsauce National Gun Bang Armed Forces! I am not a goddamn baby sitter. I REFUSE to escort this tiny, slow weakass bunch of units through the RTS version of Baghdad and former Yugoslavia combined. Couldn't you morons in HQ stick this on somebody else? Or, GASP send me to clear this oddly small but heavily held bit of enemy land to the objective and bring the fricking escort later? Why do you NEED to use lightly armoured barely armed vehicles when we can haul this stuff on the back of a plane or something anyway?

The Time Limit:

Gaming is about relaxing, and taking ones time while enjoying myself. So the last goddamn thing I need to is quickly rush and grind out troops, gather resources and get my shit together in only THREE MINUTES before a massive, heavily experienced and odd undetectable to the last second sweeps and crashes into my base while HQ demands me to hurry up. Goddamit, this isn't fun! Time Limits are never fun! Who ACTUALLY likes being rushed in real life? Nobody but sado-masochists I suspect. How about some goddamn recon for a change HQ? Or a decent amount of resources for a decent defence to be slapped together instead just the contents of my piggy bank.

Terribly coded and dumb as a brickwall AI:

Oh goodie, Reinforcements! The cavalry has arrived! we're not going to die! Wait, why are they just standing there, scratching there ass? We're getting overwhelmed down here. Keep going you dumb bastards! NO, DON'T CHARGE TOWARDS THEIR BASE YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM NO NO NO ARGH! Mission Failure!? Seriously, The arrival of your buddies is SUPPOSE to be good a sign that the tide of battle is turning for you at last. Instead, you usually get some meagre forces that somehow think that their Commander is just as good as the main characters and suicide charge either the enemy HQ and their overwhelming numbers and wipe themselves out. They have an annoying habit of standing or leaning against the Escort ignoring the enemy smashing it or getting stuck in the scenery. Instead of hope, we end up with bloody stupid cannon fodder. Just give us new resources instead, HQ.

Endless Objectives:

Nothing is more irritating that arriving on the battlefield, Army freshly assembled and resources strongly rolling it when HQ phones up and changes PWN TEH ENEMY to a massive weekly sized shopping list of main and miniature objectives. Stupidly, 75% of them require you to complete these to the maximum result or suffer the inevitable and punishing mission failure screen and a bruised knuckles for abusing your monitor in the face in frustration. This attempt to mimic the changing face of warfare fails simply because in real life, Napoleon did not have to rescue fifty men unarmed men and their Caravans, Defend several Columns and fight the whole Battle of Austerlitz on his goddamn head.

The AI Backstab:

So, it seems we're finally winning the battle at last right? We've just overcame the cowardly and weak Supply Train Escort, built out defences up, dragged the AI Reinforcements to not kill themselves all at once and JUST managed to finish the ever growing list of must complete tasks. All clear from here right? Nope, prepare for the Allies that sent you the earlier reinforcements to turn on you and send an equally large hoard of enemy soldiers alongside the enemy. Both the enemy and traitor AI will gang up beautifully and crush you in an unstoppable tide of onslaught.

Done! Now RTS Developers, learn to fix your campaigns by removing all crap like these or consider my long time love of RTS gaming dead. And than means, I won't be buying anymore.