Fixing Battleground Europe AKA World War II Online!

Hello dear readers, I appologise deeply for the seven month gap between updates and all but life in general and what not.

Recently, I resubbed to WW2OL which is the daddy of the rare genre known as the massively multiplater first person shooter. For those who don't know what it is about, it is a Iron Man Realistic FPS based on the early war European Front with the BEF and a non certain heavily fortified wall obsessed French Army against the German Wehrmacht. Said MMO is made by a small Independent Studio called Cornered Rat Software (An apt name considering the juggernaughts of the MMO Industry like Blizzard, Cryptic and SOE to compete against) a small ground of Programmers in good old Texas.

Now, I love WW2OL. It is incredibly unique, a combination of pure PVP, FPS and Realism with a huge dash of Flight, Tank and Navy Sim combined. Alas, it has problems. Monitor punching, desk breaking instant unsubscription causing problems that has kept this gem limping in second lane when, egad things like PlanetSide and SWG get more attention. This little list is my own way of coping with such problems, I am sure CRS and Battleground Europe will eventually get there day if the MMO Industry keeps bombarding us with low shoddy fantasy MMO's.

Scale Down The European Front Slighty:

Now, looking at the in game map I noticed that a huge chunk of lower France, east Germany and the Netherlands don't have ANY roads, towns, cities, villages or factories due to the fact by now it is established where most of the action in Western Europe takes place (the game is currently fighting the War for the forty fifth time now) so I propose a little shaving and shelving off of those abandoned areas of Europe until the Western Front is re-populated to the point where it is needed. This will relieve the server and everyones load times a little bit. Other ways of transport that won't encourage camping or cheap gameplay like having trains and cars with limited amounts of fuel that won't spawn would be also be a good idea on cutting back the tiring trecks around this moon-esqe landscape to find action.

Upgrade The Graphics:

The Graphics are the game, whilst not being as bad as when the game first started out in 1999, are to the casual gamer about as appealing as a plate of Mash Potato. They aren't terrible, you can put up with them and focus on the gameplay but lets face it even todays low end PC and Server systems can handle nicely detailed and smooth polygons and Bitmaps, heck EVEN Physics. I suggest working on the terrain first followed by Infantry models and finally things like buildings, weather and the huge amount of vehicles at last. It would be nice not to lag slightly when zooming in on my Rifles iron sights to make my kill with these graphics I would admit, thus costing me precious seconds of reaction time.

Installing VOIP:

Lets face it. TeamSpeak is a hassle to set up and after finally passing numerious anti-opposing front spy checks and registering one won't use the damn thing when he finds out only fifty people are using it when he plays. Get a seperate company to code in the software at the same time. Once this is fixed the game will see a lot more people working together instead of lone wolfing, getting fed up and unsubscribing. Bonus points if a SFX of old fashioned radio cracking signify people activating it in game. People will actually crew Tanks, Planes and Boats because they can communicate and react much quicker.

Improving the UI and Web Site:

The WW2OL Website is another brilliant bonus for the game, who doesn't love checking out detailed combat statisitics, getting medals and reading about your kick ass killing spree in the nicely done Newspaper which reports the progress of the campaign, what is being researched and produced and how bad the Kill/Death ratio for your Army is. However, this could be improved greatly with more detail and letting the Generals of each army proof read and submit player stories and reports .

The game UI is also slightly clunky. It takes forever to figuire out where to find action for a new player and pretty much kicks the whole crewing system up the ass by being an obscure out of the way panel at the spawn screen. The loading screens are cute with all this random WW2 Trivia combined with screenshots of the game and War era images but there are too few of them. And the music, god! Have some different tracks of the old war era music.

Encouraging Team Work:

Team Work in this game is budding but strugging, the temptation to go lone wolf is incredibly great. Of course, it ends up with you getting killed seconds later. Encourage soldiers to group up or at least pair with a soldier with a Rifle or SMG if you have a AT Rifle for back up. Have Soldiers of a certain rank auto-mark their killers when they die, let Officers give certain buffs that give soldiers a tiny bit more stamina when it comes to damage and speed. Give points to players working together on the field or crewing planes and tanks. The gesture system is cute, but map them to keys instead of .annoyingcommand because typing things out in FPS games gets the unwary killed very easily. Add some voice commands too, like a certain less realistic WW2 Online FPS and give CO's a Battlefield 2 esqe ability to draw on the map.

Drop the Credit Card Required Option for the Free Trial:

People like an easy to download and play game CRS, so drop the annoying issue for people to put credit card details to play. To some more paranoid people, this seems suspicious whilst other lazy people will just shrug and close the browser. If you wish to stop people abusing free trials just keep track of IP addresses or E-Mail addresses instead. More people will play the trial and consider getting account if they can just download, register and boot up.

As I type this, CSR works hard in making this game better than before and they are doing very well considering the fact this game is now 7 years old. With Unity II on the way and a Chinese Release hopefully they will scrape enough cash together to make a few more epic changes and pull in a few thousand more players. When that happens, maybe they will eventually release the infamous North African, Pacific or Soviet Fronts onto our desktops.

Team Fortress 2 Maps: Likes and Dislikes!

The thing for todays update is this. After playing TF2 for a month, spending most of my time on the default VALVE maps (Only a few custom maps that are not an eyesore/badly released/custom gimmicks are worth mentioning at the moment) it is time for me to spill my guts (not really, My keyboard is crap as it is these days) and tell the interweb what I like, dislike and wish to see on these battlefields of comical gruesome genocide.





Name: cti_2fort

My Likes: Ah, 2fort. One of my personal favourites and one of the only official Capture The Flag type maps VALVE has seen fit to bestow apon the TF2 community. Based on the classic Quake Era of Team Fortress with a new interior and exterior look that fits the style of TF2 like a glove as a deranged Pet Detective once said and despite the clean sterile look in the picture, soaked with the blood of many who defy me. Why do I love 2fort? On a good server with a decent team, it is a map that can make a game last longer than the usual 20-15 minutes. This is however, also a bad bad thing I'll cover below too. The old school game mode and time extension are not the only plusses. I love how VALVE decided to give us several ways in getting into the enemy base as a lovely fuck you to all those annoying campers out there.

Seeing as I mainly a Pyro Class player, 2fort is my favourite map to defend the base in simply because of the fact there is so many routes to ambush, hide and backtrack. Think you and your Heavy buddy is going to push through because our Engineers are stacking turrets somewhere outside our base? Wrong buddy. Not if I set you alight via dropping from the grate from the sniper deck interior space.

My Dislikes: The stalemate, Oh god the stalemate! Nothing is more annoying playing a game of 2fort where you have a team full of idiots on both sides. People seem to sometimes think that TF2 is HL2 Death Match. It isn't. Your kill/death ratio does not count. It is not on the scoreboard, so it doesn't count. Quit camping, and either be a Scout or Spy and blow up all those stacked freaking turrets now. Stalemates in all TF2 maps are bad, but a 2fort Stalemate can lead to hours of repitition which leads to boredom.

I also despise the fact the open decks of the fort appeal to the whiny kiddy bitch sniper every gamer has in hit. When you see more than 2 Snipers on the deck, or more against a single player panic, go Spy, stab and end the insanity.

Personally, I think 2fort should have another route added in and VALVE should make a slightly larger version for servers that go over 24. Also, more things to blow up plz :(. And living, gibbable chickens.

Name: cp_well

My Likes: Well might be my favourite control point map by look alone. A train yard that sort of reminds me of the good bit of the Blue Shift Half Like expansion between two factories. The battle for the middle control point is also amusingly epic, as you must not be also aware of being out flanked by enemy team members but you must awesome beware of the two trains of death. Nothing is more amusing (Or annoying) than falling prey to these vicious beasts because through the miricle of coding VALVE have made them appear when you least need them to.

The design of the map is also a haven for those Demoman and Soldier chappies who love to jump to higher places. You can easily get into the building for the middle point of the map to gain the advantage at the possible cost of scorched toenails or missing the odd ankle. This map is also chock a block full of places when an eagle eyed Engineer can set up his or her turret. My Sentry kill cherry was lost on this map, just outside to the left of the middle spawn. A Pyro met my level one turret. Sigh.

It also has some watery bits where Spies and Scouts can sneak through. The reason for the name in the first place. It also have huge fricking missles outside the HQ spawn rooms. Awesome.

My Dislikes:

This map is a pain in the ass if you want to be sniper. Seriously. The Battlements are oddly designed, as if they were thrown in at the last minute. Also, the chutes that lead to the moat have an irritating one way only feature. Once you go out, you stay out. A shame if you leap in after some Pyro BBQ's you. Also, like 2fort this map suffers sentry camping. Sentry camping is where several Engineers place turrets right on the door stop of the enemy HQ. Which is sort of, you know, unfair.

It wouldn't suck if the Battlements for snipers were not such a death trap. Aside from that, Well is pretty much an okay well balanced map. It could also do with a few more middle points, but that could go under an extension sort of thing.

Name: cp_granary

Another control point map, which takes place at a Granary Silo. Which is pretty unique place to fight a violent epic battle. It also full of Cargo Containers, another VALVE art fetish from the days of Half Life. Those Cargo Containers are easy to access with the right kind of jump. Like well, it shares the same sort of design. Neutral point in the middle, Red and Blue base at the far top and bottom. In fact, I admit when I first started playing this map and well I kept mixing the two up. It is a common mistake.

This map is gold for Soldiers and Heavies, as death is impossible to escape from the wide sweeping corridoors. The Snipers also have a few choice places to snipe from. Also, it wouldn't be a map set in the Half Life universe without vents to crawl around, which makes Spy infiltration a lot easier. The middle neutral control point of the map is the perfect battleground for the epic Scout Rush. Plenty of cover to hide behind and jump on.

Dislikes: None. Seriously. Granary is the perfect map for a quick TF2 fix, It looks good and adheres to classic map design. No class is gimped on this map. All it needs is the odd pile of grain you can trample into the bloody corpses of your slain foes for the lol.

Name: cp_dustbowl

My Likes: Another Quake era map redone for the fans, Dustbowl is a map of tension and bloody conquest in dusty late gold rush eras mines. The map is devided into several different areas which can be unlocked if the Red teams advances against the Blu team by capturing the single point. Blu team can win by simply keeping the Red team back as the clock counts down. Like Gravel Pit, teams should be stacked by the classes of the offensive or defensive varieties with Blu and Red.

Visually, the map is excellent. It however, could do with a little bit more bloom. Dustbowl is THE map for close combat. If you want to kill a guy with a melee weapon, this is your map. The best section, in my opinion for the map is the second one with the mine and the little outpost outside it. Players here can easily perfect their skills as Demomen as Medic, as either class is a must for both sides during the game.

Each little section also has an alternate route for attack, which like always is quite handy.

My Dislikes: The first section. The control point is simply too close to the spawn point. Seriously. A short walk away. In other words, a good offence can simply sweep away what little defence is assembled because of the BLU team is trying to camp the main spawn point entry way. This doesn't work, becuase they forget the side entry point and the small canyon entry point. Moving that point back a little would make the map last longer on certain rounds.

Name: cp_gravelpit

My Likes: This is one of the new boys, a different type of control point compared to the simple go to a point and stand there. Gravel Pit, a map set in a quarry somewhere Midwest America needs you to take a certain point first. To unlock one of the other points, or both. In other words, this map promotes pure offence or pure defence. In other words, hardcore Heavies, Demomen, Pyro, Soldiers and Medic will love this map. Sniper, Engineers or Spies will not.

Point A, B and C are completely unique. All the CP are in structures, from easy to defend (Point B, which is usually the bloodiest of the map) to the hardest to defend (Despite being on a tower, a simple Pyro can easily ruin every defenders day ontop of Point C). A series of tunnels and the odd warehouse leads to all areas of the map which hosts the points which leads to some interesting ways of getting there (Go the riskier bloody route, or attempt a sneak attack with a spy?)

Gravel Pit is also one of those maps scattered with handy bits of cover of both sides, because, you WILL need it. Especially if you are the attacker. Demomans grenades love bouncing off stuff, including the odd rock and landing at their own masters feet.

My Dislikes:

Turrets should not be allowed to be built ontop of point B's freaking roof. That is annoyingly unfair, since it makes cover worthless. I don't mind death from above from the rockets of some Soldier or a Snipers bullet, but a Level 3 turret just makes the grinding assault annoyingly worthless. Also Valve, do something about Point C. At least make the platform on the top a little bigger.

Name: tc_hydro

My Likes:

Hydro is a biiiiig map. Really big map. Several different maps combined with one. It also has another VALVE art staple. A Dam, A Dam that suspiciously looks like the one in Half Life. You know the one. Territorial Control is an interesting sort of gameplay mode. Red and Blu team own half the map and are given a random section to right in at the start of the game. This happens until most of the map is taken. To do this, you must take the singe control point on the enemies team while guarding yours. This map is one of the most unique in my opinion, and Hydro maps when both teams have decent skill can take the longest or next to 2fort, most likey to end in sudden death themed Stalemates.

I can't quite pin down the area I like of this map. It is the one with the dish ontop and the CP inside, where you can attack the enemy CP from the slope or go into the bedrock of the canyon. I suspect a lot of VALVE artists had Half Life waves of nostalgia. I wouldn't be surprised if Red and Blue were fighting over construction rights of Black Mesa it very self.

Demomen players will espcially lover the interior control point node areas of the map.

My Dislikes:

With a really poor team, Hydro is not fun. But that is pretty much true in most maps. I have no other dislikes for Hydro really. This map must have got the most attention during design because it has areas for everything. Heights and cover for Soldiers and Heavies with ze Medic, narrow rock corridoors for the Pyro, nice little bits of cover for Snipers and Sentries to hide and plenty of alternate routes for Spies to cloak and sneak though.

The only bit of improvement I suggest is adding a new area, where we're fight ontop of the very Dam it self.

In the future, when Badlands and Goldrush are released, I'll do an extension for this article and bring up a few of the best custom maps for TF2 as well.

The DO's and DO NOT Rules of Assassination

Dear all ICT Agents, due to some rather disturbing and not at all amusing incidents that certain several agents have committed (47 is not the only guilty party, Agent 69) we shall hear by publish the list of incidents that have been committed and criticise them extremely. Many Bothans died to give us this information. If some of you remember, we hired you to kill them.

It is advised after the incident of Agent 22, humming Weird Al's 'I think I am a clone now around 47 is suicidal. ICT does not cover for losses of life of this kind.

Corpse Disposal:

DO:

Tuck discreetly out of sight from prying eyes that may alert the authorities or your contact.

DO NOT:

Play with them and place them in a series of poses indicating sexual conduct. Just because they were mostly bad people doesn't mean their carcasses are giant rag dolls for your amusement. This includes you, 47!

Be ware the discovery of a corpse in most instances will be a bad bad thing. Rarely will your Targets goons shrug and go back to picking their noses and will instead flee, increase security procautions or actually start looking for you.

The following areas are bad for corpse disposal: In plain open sight, sprawled infront of a window, left laid infront of a door and infront of your target and his security.

Is it really mature for paid grown Assassins to do this?


Disguise and Infiltration:





DO:

Adapt a disguise of somebody close to or unsuspected by your clients target by any means possibly necessary.





DO NOT:

As much as people hate Christmas these days as well as Children, killing the local shop Father Christmas and taking his clothes does not at all help you with your mission and make you unsuspected to acts of murder. All it does it make you stick out like a sore thumb and give children and survivors horribly festivity themed nightmares. Keeping your weapon hidden also is a big help, Santa rarely packs heat these days.

Please remember, if you are going to dress like this remember the missing details. Like the beard, lack of gun and scent of death.

Also note, dressing up as somebody who is a different race will not cut it these days. Criminal Syndicates are not as racially diverse as we think, despite the times.



Please also note, that Metal Detectors do detect metal, but carring massive fucking bombs also arouses general suspicion. In the future, consider a convinient window with a semi-filled Dumpster underneath.



Equipment:



Do:

Bring the best but lightest and most quiet your money can buy. Also, specialist equipment, compass and kevlar is a must.



Do Not:

Buy the fucking Minigun. You are a HITMAN, not the Terminator.



Please remember, despite the fact the ICT allows a certain freedom when equiping yourself for a mission that in Assassination, being sublte is the greatest weapon. That and having the sense to not choose the largest, heaviest and loudest cannon on your gift list. It simply makes the job harder when you are trying to blend in with a massive Minigun on your person. The thing in my trousers excuse does not work.



Also make note that being cheap also does not cut it. Not every gun you will find on the dead corpse of your targets oddly large group of body guards will be loaded with an entire clip. Rare cases show that to cover the cost of such security, targets skimp on actual ammunition with the guns.



Kevlar is also a must if you are prone to amateur blunders. Please remember, that buying the helmet for emergencies is actually a good idea especially if your big pink bald slaphead with the barcode on the back is the easiest target to hit ever. Also, consider bringing a box of plasters to cover that thing up 47. It is amazing it has not been noticed yet.



Also, inform the ICT that you have been given our older models of portable buggy laptop computers as our early maps are horribly horribly useless. Getting lost is never a good idea when taking part in a hit.



Escape:



Do:

Slip out quietly, with target eliminated, most equipment bought or hired on your person with the suit without any unessiscary deaths.



Do Not:

Blast out of your former targets location, armed with the loudest most inaccurare assault rifle caked in blood wearing your boxes and screaming like an idiot without your equipment while wasting hundreds of SWAT teams and innocent people.



The ICT is and likes to be a mostly secret organisation due to the fact of todays modern ethics, however it sometimes is really hard to keep secret when we're constantly bribing for some of your Rambo-esqe mistakes. This is not the movies, Agents. Causing such emotional and physical damage makes ripples. Some ripples so damn expensive, we will eventually have to dump you all and just go into the Pastry business because Assassination is so damn tricky.



Nobody hires a crude noisy Assassin that draws attention to his or her self. They might as well do the bloody job yourselves. Remember, getting paid is more important than your body count in the next days newspaper.

The List

A quick entry today folks, I searched the vast recesses of my memory and hammered out a crude list of games I've played and owned with the PC since 1998.

Boxed and STEAM games:
Theme Park.
Cannon Fodder.
Theme Hospital.
The Simpsons Cartoon Studio.
Discworld.
Gangsters 2.
Star Wars: Force Commander.
Commandos 2.
The Sims.
The Sims 2.
Cossacks: European Wars.
Cossacks: The Art of War.
Battlefield 1942 and Road To Rome.
Shogun Total War.
Mystery of The Druids.
Medievil Total War.
Jedi Knight Academy.
Rise of Nations.
Half Life 2.
Call of Duty.
Black and White.
Black and White 2.
Command and Conquer Red Alert.
Command and Conquer Red Alert 2.
Star Wars Galaxies.
Star Wars Galaxies Jump to Lightspeed.
Star Wars: Republic Commando.
Rome: Total War.
City of Heroes.
City of Villains.
Counter Strike Source.
HL2 DM.
Sid Meirs Pirates!
Warcraft III.
Warcraft III Frozen Throne.
Half Life Source.
Opposing Force.
Blue Shift.
Half 2 Episode 1.
Half Life 2 Episode 2.
Portal.
Team Fortress 2.
Cossacks 2.
Civilization I, II and IV.
Civilization IV War Lords.
Warhammer 40k Dawn of War.
SiN.
SiN Episode Emergence.
Final Fantasy 7.
The Ship.
Soldner.
Garrys Mod 10.
Il-2 Sturmovok.
American Conquest.
Red Orchestra.
Day of Defeat Source.
Beyond Good and Evil.
Morrowind.
KOTOR 1 and KOTOR 2.
Red Alert A Path Beyond.
Evil Genius.
Republic The Revolution.
Max Payne.
Max Payne 2.
Star Wars: Empire At War.
Star Wars: Empire At War Forces of Corruption.
The Movies.
Homeworld 2.
Halo.
Star Wars: Battlefront 2.
Battlefield Vietnam.
Baldurs Gate.
Planetside.
World War 2 Online.
FarCry.
Rollercoaster Tycoon 3.
Broken Sword 1 and 2.
Peggle.


Mods:
Forgotten Hope.
Fortress Forever.
Dystopia.
Battlegrounds 2.
Zombie Master.
Movie Battles.
Terrae Expugnae.
Pirate Ship Wars 10.
Steiners Mod.
SourceFORTS.
Amra Civ IV Mod.
Max Payne 2 Cinematic.
Galactic Conquest.
Zombie Panic SOURCE.

Other:
Runescape.
Discworld MUD.

Yikes, that is a lot of games. A lot of good memories. Not counting my console games, because I barely remember half of them. I rented games when I could from the local DVD/Video Rental place in the past. Now to read a book and have a apple I think.

My love/hate relationship with Empire At War

I love Star Wars, it aside from books and gaming was one of the first things I geeked out on as a kid during the time they were digitally remastering the Original Trilogy in the cinemas. I sort of blame my father for taking me to see A New Hope for my 8th birthday a long time ago.

And I've supported my own love for the movies by buying a few games made by the once proud now sadly mediorce LucasArts. To be fair, I blame LA a lot for the decline of quality Star Wars games for becoming caught up in the marketing whoreage and hype of the silly bloody prequal movies. Between 2000 and 2005, an army of shoddily done games based on Jedi or the Clone Wars swept out from the HQ of LA and slapped limply against many different console formats and the PC. Many of us loyal fans saw these titles, wept and remembered fondly of X-Wing Versus TIE Fighter, Rogue Squadron or Jedi Knight II.

Knights Of The Old Republic and the slightly buggy sequal have been the ONLY hits in these last couple of years.

One of the biggest Star Wars Gaming mistakes was Star Wars Galaxies, as you have already heard from me. Another brillaint but slightly blundered title is Empire At War, a RTS set during the original trilogy of the Galactic Civil War era of Star Wars. Now, Empire At War doesn't suck. It can be quite entertaining, but there are certain bits made of fail that SHOULD have been fine tuned a little more by the game developers, or scrapped and remade immediatly. Sadly, EaW was part of the last minute marketing for Revenge of The Sith along side the dismal Battlefront 2 and ROTS game. Bugger.

Read on and discover the nitpicks:

Space doesn't work that way!:

Empire at Wars main selling point was suppose to be the epic space battles between the two factions, and for sure these battles can be visually impressive as possible. In the game, named ships can impressively barrage and with detail cause massive chunks of debris to be blown off each other. However, space is oddly strange. Why? BECAUSE SPACE IS GODDAMN LAND BATTLES WITH SPACE SKINS. For some silly, insane and cheap reason LA decided that space didn't need fancy physics like the options for ships to move up or down or have space look and feel like space. Extra annoyingly, they put a frigging grid underneath to remind us we're playing a reskinned land battle with different units. Also, space sometimes can visually be impressive but every battle it is just you, a few tiny Asteroid fields and some odd crappy Nebula randomy littered around. Ugh. Fail. Also, tactics are yawningly simple. Attack the shield generator/hanger hard points then dominate with numbers.

Lack Luster Land Battles:

Land Battles in EaW can sometimes be a pain in the ass. If you are the attacking or defending forces. To win/lose a Land Battle you really just need to have superior numbers attacking or defending. Just get/save the shield Generator, then swamp all the defence points with your units. If you or the enemy have a hero, they must be the first thing over whelmed. Fighting against the Native Units is also equally annoying at times for both sides, since Native Militia are about as useful as an ice cream in the Sahara Desert. The maps too are sometimes too small or the same for some planets. At least, visual wise they don't suck that much.

Awkward Unit Animations:

Land Battle Units seem to walk and act painfully sloooooow, even when they die and about that, using the same death animation where they fall down slowly at the same time is really cheap LA. Couldn't even afford to knock up some crude ragdoll physics at least for the Infantry? for shame. All I can say is, a times thank god there is a button that speeds combat up. Units visually, are alright thankfully unless you have an awful graphics card.

Balance with the factions:

Ah, Balance. A curse on all Star Wars games. The Rebel Alliance traditionally is suppose to be the under equipped old tech using much smaller underdog of the SW Universes but because gaming has to be fair for both sides these days, certain liberties with canon sadly have to be made. That means new units and tech pulled out from nowhere, instead of being edapted from the EU or other movies. Amusingly enough, they do this for the Expansion with the Criminal Tyber Zahn faction but in vanilla EaW prepare to see a few new things like the Tartan Patrol Cruiser, Space Rocket Launchers and that fucking unholy Rebel Artillery unit. At least in space, the Rebels and Empire have the proper advantages. While the Empires Star Destroyers can deal a bitching amount of damage, the Alliance have heavy shielding and fighters not made out of cardboard.

Slow AI:

The AI, unless you are playing on Hard is insanely slow and easy going. They rarely mount a attack on your forces on the reason that they usually pool all their ships into a single fleet and more or less jump randomly from planet to planet. In space or land defence, they can easily be overwhelmed in numbers. The AI cannot be blamed though, since in space or land tactical choices are pretty limited to spamming with numbers or abilities.


So why do I install and play these games? For the feel. Despite game wise, they can be poor at times EaW has the atmosphere that appeals to all Star Wars fans. The music, the symbolic clips from the films, the battlefield on the planets looks and the fact you get to control Darth Vader or the Emperor on a one man slaughter fest. Damn LA for being cheap and simply appealing to the fanboys in us all.

At least, EaW was a very good modding community that unlocks hidden content, improves units stats or animations or simply reinvents the game in total to something a hundred times better than the original vanilla games. Mods like Steiners Mod, or Phoenix Rising for example. So in the final word, EaW is okay, but get it when you know a series of good mods have been released. It would be so worth it to play EaW with a Mod than the sadly slow and dull vanilla version.

A Casual Look At Team Fortress 2 Classes

Right, Now that I have spent several hours of game time in total playing TF2, racking up my stats and exploring the maps I can now knock up several anecdotes about this comedy genius fragfest now. First, we'll tackle the classes.

Before we begin, all classes have been grouped in a specific order of what their talents might be best at. This doesn't mean the Pyro is exclusive for defence of the Sniper is a pansy in one on one combat. Lets start with Offensive, Defensive and finally support.

The speciality of the offensive classes is quite simple, you must push forwards for victory towards your objective. Or in laymans terms, pwn hard and fast without stopping. A good game has a nice balanced mix of Offensive and Defensive classes with a few Supports mixed in. The Offensive classes will see most of the map and action, as well as a huge amount of their own gibs being gurned over by their oppoment.

Defensive, a no brainer again what these guys do. They keep the bad guys that fragged the offensive dudes from pushing forward. These guys are the wall that protect the capture points or intelligince from being taken. A balanced offence and defence is a must for any game.

Support, These guys do little jobs that help the team, from sniping chokepoints to healing to sneaking behind enemy lines making a mess of their suits these guys are very useful when the a stalemate occurs.

The Heavy:

Strengths:

Lays down a huge column of supressive fire, shouts happily, best melee kill.

Weaknesses:

His own damn speed, fast spies and snipers with fetishes for slow bald men carring heavy guns. Demoman Stickies.

Ah, The Heavy. One of the first. First in the trailer, first into battle and usually the first to headshotted because of his bloody speed. Everyone loves the Heavy, despite the fact they call him fattie. Maybe it is because he is so damn happy with what he does and his simple devotion to his comrade, the Medic and his massive Minigun which he nicknames Sasha. Playing the Heavy is simple, you just need to know where to role and have good skills when it comes to shooting things. A simple tip for new players out there, you can wind your gun up AND fire at the same time. I took me two days to figuire this out.

One of the reasons why my STEAM stats state I have played the Heavy the longest isn't simple devotion, it is the fact for a man of his size and wielding a great big metal gun the Heavy is REALLY REALLY slow. Don't expect to get to the frontline to dramatically alter the course of the battle, unless an Engineer has built a Teleporter. Best taunt? His Shotgun one.

The Scout:

Strengths:

Run, running, jump doge jump, capture point and grab intelligince.

Weaknesses:

Engineers Sentry Guns, Demoman sticky bombs anything really that can cause more than 10 damage a second.

Speed man! Speed, the life of a scout is ususally a short one with either sucess or bitter defeat. You are built for being small, irritating and very hard to hit. Never underestimate a Scout in combat but never assume as a Scout you are invincible. The Levered Scattergun the primary weapon of the Scout is hard hitting but it is nothing compared to the shame of being boinked to death by a Scouts Baseball Bat.

Scouts in capture maps have very few uses, usually at the start of the game or when the enemy team seems to have a crap slow defence. Their real strengths show in maps where Intelligince must be nabbed. Scouts also can capture a CP the fastest, because they count as two players instead of one. So being fragile is worth such a handy talent. Scouts also have this lovely ability called double jump, which I must say is very useful unless you are playing on a very laggy server. All the other classes are failures in the art of the jump, but Scout here has not only mastered height but the ability to change direction in jump too. Awesome.

Best taunt? Either his Scattergun or Baseball bat over the body of a fragged foe.

The Soldier:

Strengths:

Blast Things with Rockets, juggle, jump and possibly sing! And the rocket jump.

Weaknesses:

Fire, explosions and his own Rocket Launcher sometimes.

MAGGOTS! You feel like screaming this out yourself, launching a small barage of rockets at your enemies feet, reloading and then accidentally gibbing yourself into a small light red stain on the concrete floor of the cap point. The Soldier is the jack of all, trades, master of none. It is just you, and your rockets soldier. Of course, that isn't a bad thing. With rockets, you have the highest chances of gibbing the poor suckers on the receiving end. A critical hit on an enemy with a rocket is as glorious as a firework. Just remember, to shoot at the baddies feet first.

A Soldier is excellent for bombardment, clearing out campers and sentry guns and of course, frontal assaults. The best taunt? His melee weapon one. Warms the blood up for killing.

Appearinces wise, the Soldier is quite neat. But everyone loves a good helmet, eh? There is an old saying on the battlefield Soldier, if a Medic can't get a Bull he'll grab a Sheep. Meaning, if there isn't a Heavy around and the Medic is almost charged, you have the luck of being god for about ten seconds in the game. Use it wisely old boy.

The Pyro

Strengths:

Burning. Burning things. People. Building. And runs away a lot.

Weaknesses:

His fellow Pyro, really fast Scouts, Engineers Sentries and open spaces.

The weakest of all three Offensives, The Pyro needs a man with a brain to play him. First thing is first, running out in the open with a flame throwers makes your look like an idiot if there isn't a narrow opening, a team mate or a tunnel to hide in. You need to ambush and BURN your enemy, not get gibbed buy every single weapon on the opposing teams side in an instant. It really can be embarassing. When playing a Pyro, the term patience is a virtue does come to mind. Stalk, hide, ambush and harass the enemy until they burn to a crisp.

Pyros are excellent for sowing the seeds of chaos, especially over the control point. A single agile Pyro can ruin an entire effort in grabbing a point. Make that Pyro you. Pyros are the natural enemy of the Spy, since being cloaked is not flame resistint and the Pyro will enjoy wandering around the place looking for things to burn in his own way. He is a unique charactor, who has no nationality we can confirm and possibly a love to dressing up as a girl as strong as his love for fire.

The best taunt? Hard to choose, But I say his melee weapon one.

The Medic:

Strengths:

Being more agile than other classes, the ability to heal team mates, auto-heal and the uber charges.

Weaknesses:

Being a walking target for everything on the field of battle and the syringe gun.

Ah, The Medic. The legendary jodphur wearing German Mad Scientist Sterotype. A very useful class, the best friend of the Heavy and wieleder of the uber charge. Medics are essential for breaking through enemy lines and well, keeping your team mates alive because Medkits and Med Lockers are few and far between. Medics also heal when they are hurt, making them more durible than other classes on the field.

A good Medic needs good judgement skills and a good sense of direction. The beam of the Healing Gun can only go so far. Soldiers and Heavies are the guys that need the most healing in the heat of battle, as well as Dem0men. Heal Engies when you respawn. Don't bother healing Scouts if they don't stop, Spys because this will easily give their position away. Always heal any team mate on fire, because being set alight is such an inconvinience.

Interesting, the Medics bone saw melee weapon not only has one of the best taunts, but does the most damage in the game compared to the other melee weapons.

The Engineer.

Strengths:

Construction of Death Turrets, Teleporters and Dispensors.

Weaknesses:

Spys and their Sappers, Snipers and running out of metal.

The king of defence, the Engineer, especially when two of them work together should be feared and despised. Why? Because Engineers build turrets. Turrets that camp, and are allowed to camp. A level three twin chaingun turret with a missle launcher can ruin everyones day, unless they have been ubercharged by a Medic. A good Engineer needs to know his base off by heart, mainly the awkward hard to reace places that have excellent killing fields for his turrets. A good Engineer must also be brave and have the balls to leave his gun, go out into the frontline and plant a Teleporter somewhere to speed up slow dudes like the Heavy to get into the action quicker.

Medics must always be suspicious of odd types lurking in the base away from the battlefield. Especially if they stand anywhere near their turrets as their Natural foe, the Spy (Spyicious Sneakous) will stab them in the back, plant sappers causing their equipment to explode and laugh at them before nicking the Intelligince and leaving your base. Engineers can help the construction of their equipment by whacking them harder with their wrenches. Engineers can also recycle the weapons of the fallen for their turret and dispensor needs as well as the odd box of ammo lying around.

Best taunt, his Wrench taunt. Never seen a man so happy.

The Demoman:

Strengths:

Having grenades, being able to set traps with his Sticky Bomb Launcher and essential mastery of basic physics.

Weaknesses:

Lack of any weapon for close combat aside from his melee weapon, being a black scottish cyclops, RELOAD RELOAD GOD RELO-, and being the best choice for enemy Spys to immitate.

The Demoman is god, Always respect the Demoman. He is crusher of turrets, setter of clever but irritating sticky bomb traps and the only chap who can still spam his deadly grenades. The Demomans grenades should also be feared, because they don't do damage like a soggy brillo pad but infact cause death followed by gibs apon contact. The Demoman should be called if the Soldier fails at Sentry Gun removal. The Demoman uber charged by a Medic is fearsome, because he can now dance around his own explosions without any harm.

Not to say the poor chap has his faults. He is the right speed and usually, the right place in battle for a good Spy to copy. An Engineer won't blink is he spots a Demoman lurking around 2-Fort until he is knifed in the back. A Demoman, like the Soldier with his rocket jump, can use one of his bombs to jump to a higher place. Health and speed wise, the Demoman is the Medium of both.

The best taunt? His Pipe Bomb Grenade Launcher one. Nothing can counter that.

The Sniper:

Strengths:

The Scope of Zooming, Quick recharge, excellent secondary ranged weapon and mobile anti-Heavy defence.

Weaknesses:

Lack of Periphial Vision, Butterfly Knives to his back, Laser sight, enemy snipers with quicker reactions and being confused in a close quarters battle.

There is always one in any FPS game, a Sniper Rifle. The Sniper is an impressive class and very well balanced despite the deadliness of his bolt action rifle. His MP-40 looking Sub Machine gun is also very very good when it comes to close quarters combat and has a decent amount of ammo. Snipers may be more fragile than glass being the second weakest class but still put up one hell of a fight.

The charge bit of the Sniper Rifle is surprisingly easily, it does it by it self and is very fast. This however makes the dot of the laser sight very visible to your potential target. Lack all Snipers in all games, it is not common to get killed by something in close quarters because you are busy trying to pick off that nasty bugger of a Sniper on the other side of the map.

The best taunt? His Sniper Rifle one. So true.

The Spy

Strengths:

The deadly backstab, going Predator with cloak, the ability to disguise and the Magnum of death.

Weaknesses:

Knife is terrible for stabbing anything but the back, can't cloak if holding Intelligince, loses disguise if bumped into or shot by enemy and limited time to cloak.

The Spy, one of everyones favourite classes in TF2 because they are kings of humiliation and trickery. Nothing says pwned more than being humbled by a Spy because your fragging spree has kept you rooted to the same spot facing the same direction way longer than you should have. Good Spys must know where to go on maps and who to disguise as. It is obvious the main way out of the base is out, since everyone and their mothers are watching it on the opposite team. Cloak or not, splash damage of spammed rockets will get you.

Be clever, use alernate routes and get behind enemy lines before disguising. A quick work of warning, never disguise as the Spy or enemy Scout. Your speed will remain the same, and Engineers will shoot you for being a Spy whether you are wearing your colours or not. A clever spy can easily disassemble a ramshackle defence by sapping turrets and other Engineer equipment and kacking off their best players. The best Spy can be healed, then uber charged by an enemy Medic.

The Spy Magnum is deadly, two or three shots should be enough to dispatch your foe. Be careful with your cloaking and teleporting too. And the best taunt, his Magnum one after bloody combat.

So, that is it. Next TF2 update will be about the maps, my likes and dislikes of them and general pleas to VALVE for some more of them.

Christmas Gaming Bonanza!

Oy vey, Christmas finished and my birthday and it seems I've been given quite a few requested games to waste time on and write about.

First off, The Crowning Jewl of the Set is The Orange Box. Despite being a few months late, I finally get all the Portal references people are dropping and indulge in heavy cartoon themed violence every now and then now. I am planning to play HL2 Episode 2 somewhat in the new year. I also received a Sold Out version of Broken Sword 1 and 2. Praise the gift givers! I've never actually played Broken Sword 2.

I also got Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 and the expansion. At last, it seems the gaming circle is complete seeing one of my first true PC Games was Theme Park in 1998. I am looking forward to opening my cheekily named Theme Park once more and erecting Rollercoasters I'd never ride in real life.

My Sisters received a copy of The Sims 2, which I will be borrowing when I can for a quick go. I remember the fun of the original, and I am pleased to see while peeking over my sisters shoulder a huge amount of change has happened, especially in the area of customisation.

I have also nabbed a Copy of Black and White 2, and the Empire At War expansion. So in the next few months, I'll be smashing things with a crowbar, being god, watching over my little Sim Families, creating my own Disney and taking over the Galaxy with crime. Action packed!

I'll update if I find/buy anymore games, but at the moment my biggest problem is HD space. Never be cheap with HD space with games these days, trust me, At least have a 100 Gigabyte HD minimum people!

Oh, and an amusing gem I dug up from SomethingAwful earlier for those interested. Apparently, the SA Goons (Or forum goers for those who don't read SA) MS Painted a series of game characters in their old age, sad yet greatly amusing:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/ms-paint-video.php?page=1

Quality Machinima I Like

Entertainment these days is a funny thing, you will find more good things on the internet that the actual Television. One of the more original things is the gaming art of Machinima, which turns simple games where you shoot somebody in the head to something more artistic (Or really badly edited footage of you shooting somebody in the head in black and white online).





Like the Silver Age of Hollywood, Machinima has also begun to shine making us laugh, cry or cry wtf?!.





In this entry I am going to list a few notable single Machiis (I'm not sure what the proper term is for more than one, so I winged it) or Machinma series on the web with appropriate links. I'll also vaguely ramble about them enough to make them appealing enough to be checked out.








Rooster Teeth Productions AKA Red Versus Blue:





The guys (And eventually, girls) that started the mainstream modern movement of Machinima should get a little bit more recognition for more than just RvB. They've also done PANICS (A short series based on FEAR) The Stranger Hood (The Sims 2) and a series based on that Rubbish Fantasy Shoot 'Em Up Game.





In fact, they are so good god help any Machinima series where a character has the slighest trait from a character IN RvB (Despite the fact that characters in some Machinma have to act crazy because people don't make subtle animations in most games where you shoot bullets into people) that some fucking idiot will be leave a poorly spelt comment informing other viewers.





RvB is about two teams of Spartan armour wearing Marines stuck in the Blood Gulch map in an alternative timeline to the original HALO, Where they beat the nasty aliens and civil war began. Both teams are full of people who simply became soldiers because they could shoot guns, not because of their personalities. Nobody here is well adjusted. In fact, the characters of the infamous anime Neon Genesis Evangelion are hyper active and friendly compared to these guys.





The writing for RvB is very very good. There are moments that will make you laugh your head off, or nod in agreement. It is also one of the longest running Machinima ever. The series makes a leap from Halo to Halo 2 on the 3rd season and rumours are that RvB IF made will take place in Halo 3 with a different set of maladjusted future soldiers. The success of RvB is pretty awesome, because you can buy DVDs of the thing instead of spending hours on the internet looking for each episode. Which is a good idea, because the quality of the 1st series outside the DVD is pretty poor.





You can find Rooster Teeth's website here, Where they host some of the episodes of most of their machinima and the forums themselves.





http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/home.php





Lit Fuse Productions:





While RvB is the leading Machinima when it comes to Halo, Lit Fuse covers mainly Half Life 2 and several other VALVE games in their little portfolio. Lit Fuse was eventually conceived from several famous Posters of the HL2 GMOD Comic making community, PHW forums. Led by the plucky Michael and eccentric Steinmann, the team work hard to provide some quality stuff to watch.





The War Of The Servers, A two hour long War of The Worlds Parody set in Gmod is one of their best, other quality mentions are the excellent done Ignis Solus in Team Fortress 2 which is simply done easily using the games animations and the simple noclip STEAM console command. They also did Maintenance Man which is an amusing take on the events of early HL2 Episode 1 from the Combines POV and are working on the amusing Civil Protection series.





Lit Fuse Films are long and have a rather majestic soundtrack compared to the usual five minute bites of most web Machinima and are must sees for the obsessive VALVE/HL2 fans out there. Their Website hosts in site flash browsers and links to most of their materiel. I seriously suggest checking out Ignis Solus especially if you a TF2 Pyro fan. Lit Fuse also has a STEAM Community you can join if you want to help out somehow with their projects or just hang out.





http://litfusefilms.com/





The Janus Syndicate:





http://janus-syndicate.com/?page_id=5





While Lit Fuse is the big, bold and majestic son of HL2 Machinima, The Janus Syndicate are a smaller but more original grass roots movements. Old that Lit Fuse (They have been doing stuff since the original Counter Strike) the The Janus Syndicate which has been revived by quite a few FacePunch forum members and help focuses more on the humour spectrum of the HL2 Universe at large.





The JS work on Independent Projects from time to time, much like Lit Fuse but also have several rather interesting Machinma series under their belts. My favourite one of these is HL2 Mod Tod, where a man named Tod jumps plays an online HL2 Mod with his only friend, a mic and sort of reviews the mod amongst planned and accidental improvised comedy. The Janus Syndicate loves to parody things, even more than Lit Fuse as you will see if you watch Dirty Garry (A Gmod RP Dirty Harry Parody) and Dr Strangeman (A General HL2 Universe Pardody of Dr Strangelove).





The JS host all their works on YouTube, all links of which appear on their constantly updated website with a forum. They also have a very friendly STEAM Community you can join if you want to help or just hang out with them.





I also suggest checking out the first episode of The GMAD Squad too.








http://janus-syndicate.com/?page_id=5





Smooth Few Films:





One of the newer studios, Smooth Few Films currently are working on only two series at the moment, the Counter Strike Source based Leet World and something involving Halo 3.





The Leet World is interesting, Because Counter Strike Source is an untouched medium when it comes to long term Machinima. The premise with The Leet Word is quite simply, The Counter Terrorists and Terrorists taking part in a Reality Show. They live in the ramshacke house that is the Militia hostage rescue map. The Counter Terrorists and Terrorists each have a rather unique personality. They Producers use a mix of Counter Strike Source and GMOD 10 for filming, which gives them certain liberties like Lit Fuse and Janus Studios thanks to Mods and other stuff that can easily be put into the game.





I mentioned the Leet World at the start of the blog, but here is the website where you can watch or download most of their episodes. You can also find The Leet World on YouTube.





http://www.theleetworld.com/

The Horsemen of the Apocaypse the guys behind The Fortress:

These guys are quite new but they are also pioneers of independent TF2 Machinima, they have decided to do something quite unique for The Fortress. Instead of the series being about the characters in the game, it is sort of about the (voices) of the players playing the game, sort of RPing their parts in total. The series is quite unique, because due to the fact you will get people that in real life nothing like their TF2 counter parts (For example, A Woman plays The Heavy and amusingly, the guy playing the Scout class sounds just like him!). Sort of hardcore philosphy hidden amongst the witty humour.

The only thing The Fortress needs to improve is time (As well as maybe tone the camp factor down of the gay Engineer. Nothing wrong with being gay I am not at all homophobic, but dammit that sterotype is annoying).

These guys also have their own STEAM Community, as well as a forumsite where you can download their videos. Like The Leet World, most of their episodes are currently on YouTube.

http://www.team-brh.com/thefortress/

Nurdbots Guide To Online Mic Users

In this modern broadbandtastic headshot a minute respawn a second word of online gaming, we don't have time like we used to type OMG YOU HACKER into the six line sized box that is public chat in online gaming. Yes, thanks to the rise of technology these days gamers would rather use a mic with or without a headset, instead of replying in the distracting method of typing out or using pre-recorded voice commands to inform the team that their collective asses were being kicked.


At last, you can finally scream through your cheap three pound mic with relish and accuse somebody of being a hacking fag slut, with your speakers on high, hand on chest and TK macro at the ready. I myself, thanks to the last few years of casual gaming on STEAM game servers have researched, rechecked, tore up, fabricated, tore up and finally released a list of the several categories of the most infamous of Mic users in the gaming battlefields. Read on and learn, my unwashed masses!


Captain Tactical Strategy:

Captain TS is a strange creature, he is a man who knows from the deep pit of his soul that he himself can only lead his fellow gamer into winning the game by using teamwork, following his orders and doing the objective. Sadly, Captain TS is also extremely naive thinking that his fellow public server gamers are a team of loyal, hard thinking and intelligent group of people instead of lone wolf assholes with the suicidal urges of a Lemming high on quality speed wearing Rollerskates while visiting Dover for the Weekend.


And for that, he will, most of the time be ignored by fellow gamers much to his dismay and frustration. Sometimes, he will even get aggressive and lose his cool picking fights with other players, arguing over against fellow Mic users or text types alike. He usually is either a guy who was once the leader of a rather decent amateur Professional Clan in the old Quake or CS era of gaming or less commonly an actual Military Officer in real life who is a gamer.


The Master DJ:

His name does what it says on the tin, The Master DJ loves music and WILL share it with you throughout the entire game, piping it through his microphone either for an application made for playing music in the game online or (god help you) forgoing quality and playing a cheap CD Player really loud next to his mic on the desktop. The man rarely speaks himself, too busy rocking out with his cock out while everyone trying to communicate in attempts to beating the opposite team is being drowned out by the latest POS that is in the charts or some awful Techno rubbish.


Master DJ actually has a sense of humour, and sometimes will even grant requests to friendly players on the server. Oddly enough, the Master DJ has an evolutionary spin off, the LAWL Master DJ. The LAWL Master DJ plays sound, either clips or actual rather embarrassing music from a series of Internet memes. He will also attempt failing at being ironically funny too. It is theorised he is the offshoot of the Token Internet Asshole and Master DJ's mother.

The Token Asshole:

Like everything else with humanity involving something more than a single person, there is an asshole in the online mic using gaming community. The Token Asshole is usually a 14 year old teenage male, or a male in his late thirties. Both share the same common affliction of not shutting the fuck up and hanging themselves. The Token Asshole, has one objective. To annoy everyone for laughs.


How they do this, is in a variety of ways. From barking out random offensive and racist terms as casual and loud as if it was the thirties again over the mic, to screaming, screeching, farting, arguing with their mothers or in general creating an echo with their speakers on purpose. They will not care for you, the team or even the game they are playing. We suspect now these people have decided their ultimate aim in the universe is to be banned from every online game ever to gain the crown of King Asshole.


The TA loves to piss off Captain TS, Constantly accusing him of being a different sexuality over the mic, pettily arguing with him or just drowning him out so the game can be lost quicker. The Internet asshole almost has a creepy modern day Michael Jackson effect with the Kid.


The Kid:

Considering parents these days are quite liberal and gaming appeals to almost everyone now, It isn't usual you will get the odd visit or two by The Kid, his voice when using the mic instantly tipping off how old he is in a second. Now, remember to go easy on the fellow. Yeah sure, your age you were more interested in cartoon and not going to school but this guy could become a
pro-gamer or hardcore modder in the future. So to be space, be cool with him.


The Kid is usually quite competent at times and gets along great with everyone. He however, has two major down sides. The first is, being a child, he is quite impressionable and chances are he'll become friends with the Internet Asshole, who teaches him that is quite all right to keep dropping the N-bomb and using other colourful language on the mic during the game us quite fair and fun. He also rarely has a hot sister in her late teens, willing to kick him off, take over and talk on the mic.

Negative Dude:
Woe betide if you can hear the Negative Dude, woe to you more if he is on your team because being the delightful confident and patriotic person he is will keep informing that A, we're losing and B, we suck because we are losing. Amusingly enough, Negative Dude himself is rarely above average in such situations and refuses to acknowledge the fact the reason the team is losing is because he is sapping morale, will not shut up and generally sounds funny.


However, the Negative Dude can actually, but rarely sort of cheer up when he is certain things are going the teams way he is on. If not, he'll usually just switch sides to the opposite team who immediatly begin to lose horribly.


Foreign Guy:


This one is usually quite rare, the Foreign Guy is simply a poor soul who has wondered into a random server and is speaking his langauge fluently not getting until it is too late that the server he has joined doesn't have a major multi-lingual population. You yourself can easily become the Foreign Guy if you join a server which is clearly marked by the name as a French/Spanish/German/Chinese speaking server. Sadly, Foreign Guys who can't speak or type english yet use the mic are destined to be kicked for the amount of confusion it could cause. We know a majority of gamers have trouble understanding the basic commands of online gaming in english after all.


The Foreign Guy is the second favourite target of the internet asshole, hopefully however foreign guy has no idea what the hell the Internet Asshole is saying to him.

Documentary: Rise of the Video Game

A short post today readers, but a rather interesting one.

The Discovery Channel recently has begun airing a several part documentary basically about the history of the electronic game. This little program of around forty minutes covers the creation of gaming as secret hobbies of Cold War Technicians right up to to days multi-million dollars industry.

The program is full of some very interesting tidbits not even Wikipedia knows (Until some anal person puts them in the thing at least) like the origin of why Pacman was Pacman and how the September the 11th Terrorist Attack helped the War Gaming platform. A lot of key players of gaming are interviewed in the program too.

I have the Veoh Links here, each link is a full episode that requires you to register with Veoh and download their player (Both are free and not at all buggy). They are worth watching indeed.

Level 1:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1571248E3fqmwNW
Level 2:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v15720553SxXjfCh
Level 3:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1622155ymCZMYQC
Level 4:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1641365kTByTTtJ

Mod Play: Empires 2.0

Yes boys and girls, it it is time once more for another edition of Mod Play!

I have a gun! At last! Now world, you put YOUR hands up!

Name: Empires 2.0

Game: Half Life 2.

Type: Multiplayer FPS/RTS Hybred.

War! Hah! Good God, What is it good for? Fun apparently...

Now Empires has a small history, It was originally a Battlefield 1942 Mod which would explain the slight resemblance to the Models, The grid map and the diverse list of user friendly mechanised killing machines which you don't usually see much bigger than a few vehicles in your average HL2 Mod. Vehicles aside from the Buggy and Air boat were rare in HL2 mods because of the SOURCE engine at the time, but the Mod as you can see has worked around such problems and benefitted greatly with a huge amount of engine upgrades since 2004.

Soldiers in Empires are attracted to free ammoz like gazelles to watering holes.

The FPS bit is also quite BF1942-esqe. You and your fellow grunts must capture the Refineries dotted around the map while icing as much as the enemy possible with various weapons and vehicles. The RTS bit, with the Commander, places buildings down, organises the Squads of Infantry to actually do something instead of the usual anarchy in these sort of games for rewards that unlock the further skills for their classes (we'll get into that in a little bit) and help win the game for their side. The Commander (Who at the start of each round is elected) also has a RTS view of the entire map without fog of war inside his own vehicle, the Command Vehicle. If this is eliminated, the game is lost. Destroying the Command Vehicle is one of the easier ways to win a game. The other is to simply smash the opposite teams tickets down to 1 and kill all the Engineers to stop them re spawning. The attrition way. Commanders can also research and upgrade their teams technology giving them better vehicles, improved body armour and improving the damage dealt to the enemy forces with ease.

I am the Angel of Death. There will be no survivors.

They flushed away a perfectly good Engineer, only a little blood on him!

There are three different games modes, The RTS mode where bases must be built and tickets wore down until you smash the enemy commander with your bigger better armoured army as well as the classic Conquest where your team must capture strategic areas of the map in man on man urban combat. The 3rd mode, escort I have sadly not played but with a title like that I imagine it has something to do with keeping your Commander alive and moving.

Lots of manly uniformed men holding manly guns about to do a deal of great manly things Like dying manly! and shooting manly!

In fact, Empires was one of the first FPS multiplayer game with the RTS Commander Modded in modern times . So when you are having fun as the Commander in Battlefield 2 or 2142 thank Empires for adding this little system, otherwise we'd have something cheaper and less appealing. It actually is sort of fun, when you listen to your Commanders orders and get something right. Don't be too upset somehow is a Donkey instead of a Lion is elected leader and has no idea what the hell is doing. Empires is also one of the games where a Mic is incredibly useful. The interface DOES of course come with an excellent menu of voice commands but a mic usually makes thinks easier getting your Commanders attention and also adds a layer of amusement to the game.

We have got to stop conscripting the blind, they are terrible at this.

We know of the bone of the game, you cry, but what of the meat? Empires 2.0 has lots of it. In addition to over 12 unique maps for the game, all of them very well done (some Imported and Retooled for the SOURCE Engine from the BF1942 version) the two armies of the game the Northern Faction (Crazy Yellow Loving Slav Rebels) and the Brenodi Empire (Evil-Commie Nazi's!) have two unique styles with not only their appearances, but with their vehicles, weapons and buildings too. Each side however, has the same four combat classes. Rifleman, Scout, Engineer and Grenadier.

Two APCS depart a Brendoni Empire base, destined to spawn nubs into war!

You can ride shotgun in most of the vehicles, and shoot from the top too!

Rifleman is the jack of all trades, master of none. He can choose between the normal Rifle, the heavier offensive version or the MG for defence and suppressive fire. Scout is your typical Artillery Spotter and Saboteur Commando. Engineer can build buildings and walls, heal and revive fallen comrades and upgrade turret defences with ease. Grenadiers are masters of everything explosive. They can drop bombs onto campers with Mortars, Shatter armoured hulls with their Anti-Tank Rocket Launcher or drop mines that are hazard to man and machine. All classes can help an Engineer build up structures and walls by helping with the welding by pressing E.

The Engineers humble pocket Calculator, creator of Empires.

Engineers can drop Ammo and Health Supply crates for Infantry

for when the base armoury is too far away or the player is too fat/lazy.

The FPS bit gets even more diverse with classes and skills as well as selectable weapons. For example, after joining Bravo Squad I choose to be a Scout. Tapping the B key, I choose my first skill (You get a free skill point for joining and working with squads, which makes not going solo even more appealing) cloak and then instead of the sniper rifle grab a machine pistol and Flash bang Grenade. I catch a ride with the APC leaving the base, leave halfway through the intended route and sneak behind enemy lines to disrupt Engineers Turret production by cloak, shoot and sabotage. As I gain points for the kills and damage, I will soon unlock up to three more skills for myself as I gain Rambo-esqe experience from the battlefield.

Tense stand offs between Tanks overrunning Engineer outposts happen a lot.

The Mortar, A Campers worst nightmare.


Vehicles in the game can also be customised. You can choose what kind of engine to put in your APC to make it faster or go up hills better, or to make your tank heavier with that extra grenade launcher. Most vehicles can be multi-crewed, the most useful vehicle in the game next to the Commanders little Camper van is the APC, which is a mobile spawn point players can spawn from as long as it is standing on its own two wheels. Vehicles cost resources to spawn and create, and unlike BF1942, wasting one is a pretty serious offence. Luckily, Commanders have an option to limit what the Vehicle Factory can produce, or just decide what needs to be built so rounds are not spoilt by smacktards building waves of pointless jeeps.


Two cannons good! One cannon bad!

When playing the game, you will indeed have some excellent moments like I have had and will keep on having. Desperately building a wall with two Engineers under enemy APC turret fire, watching in satisfaction as you dive behind cover a fully loaded Northern faction jeep rolls over your mine, sneaking deep behind enemy lines and sabotaging their refineries or simply getting a kill with the Shotgun Pistol. Yes. That is one of the Northern Faction sidearms, a Pistol that fires shot. It has the best animations I have seen in ages on a HL2 game weapon. All the guns in the game are pretty, from the Brendoni Empires Engineer SMGs, To the Northern Factions Steam punk looking Landmines. However, melee combat is also there, in the Halo-esqe manly form of beating an enemy to death with your weapon. Most of the non-scoped or Machine Gun Rifles also have iron sights. Deep joy!



Look! The Shottie Pistol, and the Rebel Wall Fortifcation.

Northern faction Mine, Cutest Mine Ever.

Empires 2.0 at the moment as a pretty successful player count when it comes to a HL2 Mod, On average around 200-300 players are playing. The main appeal to the thing I expect, is mostly the vehicles and promised tactical and team work moments of the game. It is indeed something a little different from the usual frag and smash of HL2 Multiplayer gaming. The maps and general atmosphere of the game is very well done indeed. The interface needs a little more tweaking and the models need to look a little bit more pretty (Both promised in the up coming updated SOURCE Engine update, along with flying vehicles) and the sticky grenades of the Rifleman have an annoying habit of not, well sticking to a rampaging blood thirsty target when needed. You will also need to do a little bit of keymapping.

Angered and lonely due to years of war, Soldiers communicate their feelings through the means of bullet graffiti.


The next update should be very good for Empires, because it is increasing the highest player cap to 64 player. I have never heard of a HL2 Mod with that many players before and I will be quite interest indeed to see how this one does turn out. Hopefully, It won't lag and we will see some magnificent battles. The Installer file for the game is pretty large (Over 700 Megabytes) and I suggest the most reliable way in downloading the game is to simply join Filefront and use their IGN Downloader Client. It gets the job done efficiently.




Good Leadership and teamwork ensures you stride over the corpses of your fallen enemy...


...or gets you reduced to a bloody splatter on the landscape because of smacktardation.


Empires is lovely Mod, revived from the BF1942 Engine to the SOURCE Engine and your Empires need you soldier to fight in this crazy ragdoll physics explosive Warfest! Right now! Join Squad Bravo on the double man! And pick up a Rifle. Remember to press F10 in the game for all the info and you need and for god sake, don't become a Commander. Please. Don't waste noble, intelligent and well loved tickets. And your soldiers lives too, I guess.

This is my rifle, there are many ones like it, but this is mine. Because I aimbotted it.

Point 'n' Click: The Beloved Dinosaur of Gaming

A long time ago, before today's fancy high resolution detailed 3D graphics, quality sound and havoc physics engine gaming on PCs used to be quite different. More flat, sprite-esq and easier on the hard drive when it came down to the size. And during those days, there was a genre called point and click games. These games didn't involve shooting thugs in the face or general construction of cities/armies/planet earth or even teaming up with your mates to smack something until it gave you exp. These games were interesting interactive stories.

Nowadays, They have been usurped by the more addictive, pretty and interactive (But still slightly shallow) Plat former RPGS. Just remember, as you bounce happily around with Mario on Mario Galaxies with your Wii your hands are stained with PnC games blood. Your dirty murderer :(.

A few famous titles come to mind, mainly Day of The Tentacle, Monkey Island, Broken Sword and the Discworld trilogy. Instead of shooting nasties in most of these games you had to outwit them, either with your main characters cheeky conversation skills or using random stuff your obsessively stolen all over the place to slat together a crude puzzle using lateral thinking.

Occasionally, mostly with the Broken Sword games you could mess up and have your main character cruelly killed. Many times in my experience poor George Stobbart of the Broken Sword series got shot, imprisoned or fell into a lethal trap because of my cheap assumptions and bad reaction times (Of course, I can reach the heavily armed man, shock him and in the next two second grab the lethal gun!. Ow.)

In these games days, they had the pinnacle of all gaming tech behind them (Very well drawn and rendered art, full voice acting with was a rarity back then where text usually took voices places and professional very well done stories) and were indeed quite a fun way to introduce a family friend into gaming. Funny how Tabloid Newspapers focused on the Dooms and Duke Nukem's of the day, but never cared for Sam and Max Hit the Road or Monkey Island eh?

The stories in these were made out of pure emotion. If you accidentally led your hero into a messy death, you felt horribly guilty. When Rincewind got really sarcastic (Eric Idle does lovely voice acting in games, I do hope we hear more from him) you can't help but snicker and the fictional character match maker inside you screamed at George and Nicole to get together!

This whole field was something that LucasArts was very very good out. Yes, LA did NOT make usually crappy Star Wars tie in games once upon a time many years ago. Back then, they made some golden Star Wars games too but we'll chat about that some other time. Even today, in the mighty year of 2007 Grim Fandango, Day of The Tentacle and the Monkey Island Trilogy cannot be beaten by the recent reappearance of PnC's bastard son.

Yeah, PnC returned majorly a few years ago with the release of Broken Sword 3 in full 3D. A few PnC games come out rarely now of this genre, but a majority of them are dog poo badly knocked up and released by a few amateur gaming companies with barely any experience, funds and a sane deadline. After all, why spend months even years making an action packed FPS with complicated animations, processor hogging explosions and complicated multi player modes when you can hire a few down on their luck porn actors, shove them in a voice studio and hire somebody who can knock togther polygons that resemble homosapien. And chuck in a few hundred bugs with a hack of a script writer fired from the latest series of The Simpsons.

My favourite games of the whole genre, however, have always been the Discworld ones. I've always been a fan of Terry Pratchetts Discworld for as long as I can remember and the Discworld games amused me greatly despite the fact when I got older and read the books discovered that Terry, quite cheekily, borrowed and merged several of his book plots for Discworld 1 (Guards! Guards! crossed with The Light Fantastic) and Discworld 2 (Reaper Man, Soul Music and Moving Pictures). The best one of these was Discworld Noir which took to the 3D plane beautifully and was actually a very well down story. I lost my PSX version of the game and ache to replay the thing sometimes. One of these days, I am going to look in the bargain bin for a PC replacement. Assuming it runs on Windows XP.

So PnC, we wish you well with our sepia tinged nostalgia. Just stop dropping horrible attempts to cash in on your past successes (The recent Sam and Max crap fests) and we wish you the best luck for a proper re-emergence into the gaming industry now that story is the most craved for elements in our digital Rambo/MMO/Dictator binges. Thankfully, a lot of these titles are either sold in Bargain Bin Remastered packs or available to play thanks to the SCUMM application with several others if you own the older DOSS era games. It is such a damn shame we never got a serious Star Wars version of these based on one of the more better expanded Universe Novels.

Oh, and in the words of beloved Guybrush, You apparently fight like a cow.

PVP:The WORST gaming comic ever.

PVP sucks. No silly, not the actual player versus player combat of games, that would be a sacreligious thing to say anyway.

No, I mean the webcomic. It sucks. Brutally bad. The internet, no doubts has hundreds of webcomic rating from meh to worth reading, but PVP and the creator Scott Kurtz have earned a hated place in my heart for the simple fact that reading one of these comics to me, at least, gives me a sensation of deep hurting.

PVP is bland, boring and has a host of idiot whacky characters that are suppose to be enduring, but instead are all fictional poster children for genocide, torture and the utter destruction of both of Scott Kurtz hands. Scott himself is a terrible artist. Seriously, if you read a PVP comic you will NEVER see a character drawn in any other way but facing you. Garfield does that, and we all know Garfield these last 18 years have sucked horrily. Maybe Kurtz and Henson should team up, and print out their bland comics in every funny section of the newspaper to hurry to headlong rush of doom humanity is currently running.

Also, I hate the characters. The cast are the follow: A balding whiny 'old skool' gamer, his Mac obsessed sunglasses wearing jerk off of a friend, his annoying girl friend, the sterotypical teen power gamer (DIEOFAIDSDIEOFAIDS!) and the stupid fucking whacky monster guy. Apparently, these things have personalities. I can't see any, just ANNOYING REALLY ANNOYING dialogue. Occasionaly, Kurtz likes to take over and tell us about his whacky middle aged Dad in this modern world of techology. Of course, when you are reading a webcomic based on gaming you really don't care. We're here for the humour, pardodies of games and the chance the artist will draw the token gamer chick in something sexy.

Kurtz himself, personality wise, is a despicable blob of a man. He, along with his creepy buddy who created the equally overrated and obnoxious webcomic SinFest pretty much think they rule the whole webcomic community simply because they were the first ones that started putting their badly drawn crap onto merchandice. Scott Kurtz also seems to miss the point of many other webcomics, ones that actual have proper attempts of humour instead awful mac running jokes and Panda attacks.

If you ever see the man in person, dear reader, please inform him that CTRL-ALT-DELETE was a lot funnier just to watch the man himself personally aligh his gravity around him and attempt to harness the power of his ego to crush you. If you sort of like PVP, STOP READING IT NOW. Delete the damn URL from your favourites and look for VG Cats/CTRL-ALT-DELETE/Woody Comics for an actual laugh. You'll thank me after rolling your eyes.

A Battlefield 1942 Veteran Remembers

Now, in online gaming terms I didn't arrive in the period of old school Quake and CS fragging, but a few years later in 2003. The first actual game where I was put against my fellow man online was Battlefield 1942. Looking back at it now, nothing of this kind of FPS fraggery appealed to me until I read the review of BF1942.

Back in the boring school days of 02 the thought of jumping online and sharing a virtual world war 2 themed Battlefield stocked with all the toys and guns a boy could dream of and eventually I was granted that dream the coming Christmas. I remember my first map, Operation Battle Axe. I spawned in one of the bunkers as a Medic rignt in the thick of combat in that bitter little Battlefield and quickly began my Support Career in FPS games from now on. When I fix somebodies armour in Planetside or heal somebody in a MMO I will always think of my little British Medic, trying to press the Medical Satchel against his wounded comrade under German GM fires.

BF1942 addicted me like crack, I was determined especially to Master the Engineer Class and crush all those in my wake with the one shot one kill bolt action rifle of death. The game it self was incredibly arcadey and as I grew a little older I desired more than the simple cartoony anarchnosims and downloaded Forgotten Hope, which extended me playing the game for an extra three years.

My favourite Vanilla BF1942 map was eventually, after playing quite a few several times over, was El Alamein. I always played for the home team when I could, slapping down Landmines in the middle Control Point and blasting those damn Jerry Planes from the sky in my Ack-Ack Anti-Air gun. Interesting fact, I quite enjoyed using AA guns. The satisfaction of downing those showboating Pilot clowns from the sky and watching the blackened twisted wreckage of their plane slam into the ground after was brillaint.

I was quite rubbish when it came to flying too, I somehow could not master the act of coaxing the buxom and darling mistress of gravity into keeping me steady enough when going into the air. I crashed more than a 3rd World Nation Airline Jumbo Jet and rarely hopped into planes unless they needed a gunner. The latter action saw more action with FH, Especially with the deliciously sexy Bombers.

One thing I HATED in the game was the blasted grenades. The second you saw one of the enemies grenades plink next to you while crawling on the ground over the Bocage bridge (This happens a lot) you know your fragging is inevitible and you groan as your poor avatars body is comically tossed into the air with the cartoony explosion. Another thing that drove me to FH, was the stupid act of balance in making HAND GRENADES do damage to tanks. Madness. As for weapons I loved, The Lee Enfield with the Road to Rome bayonet came the closest to my heart.

Speaking of Tank Damage, next to the Engineer the true Warrior of the BF1942 field of conflicts was that mighty manly man the Anti-Tank guy with his Slow Mo Rocket, Piddily Pistol and Combat Knife against the world of many mean lean killing machines. I remember fondly, Clutching my American issued Bazooka (?) as a Soviet in the Kursk Map hopping around and shooting a German to death easily with my Colt. Thankfully, Tanks in Vanilla Battlefield could only take Three hits to the front and rear and two hits to the side. Makes you thank god they didn't make tank armour like that in real life or the 2nd World War cost of life would have been even more terrible eh?

The most unique maps that BF1942 offered were the Pacific Campaign ones, Because of the Navy Combat. Everyone wanted to crew the Battleship or Destroyers or the sneaky Submarine (The latter requiring the most patient BF1942 player) and simply causes havoc by bombarding the enemy bases. Mastering the Torpedo Bombs during Battle of the Coral Sea was something every player wanted to do, copying the act from the rather nifty Intro Movie.

What really makes me smile, Is remembering playing against the bots of the game as general hands on practice before carting myself online. The AI of the bots in these games was incredibly dismal these days. You can NEVER replicate the random cunning of fighting against a person online (Nowadays, bots have come almost as close as possible) and the things the bots did in 1942 were so insane you would NEVER see such actions on an actual public server.

For example, sometimes Three AT Class boss would go prone and fires their missles at you, despite the fact you are foot and can dodge them like a mouse dodging an OAP driving at half a mile an hour with ease and shoot them in the head. Bots in the game all had habit of crounching and throwing themselves on the ground for no reason. Bots would also spawn camp the areas where vehicles respawned, even long after said means of transport were long taken. Bots were even more addicted to TKing or suiciding than the FF players. Bots were even more terrible at flying planes than me, you had to be careful to not get caught in a plane crash. Bots, no matter how hard the AI was were easy to kill people would only play a single player game just to try out a map they haven't played or to improve their skills. A few years later, Modders of the game managed to pound out something decent from the glitchy coding of the AI and removed all the inane smacktardation code.

Another thing I loved about BF1942, were the useful Radio Commands on the F buttons. Most of the time, people actually used these and they helped a lot to encourage teamwork. It was a custom to F5-F5 an Engineer or Medic for doing their job. The phrases themselves echo still in my brain (MEDIC!, TALLY HO and my personal favourite SCHNELL LOSS) and unlike most command menus you see in the games it is quicky and easy to use.

I played a few Mods to BF1942, All of them excellent total conversations. Battlefield 1918, Galatic Conquest and Forgotten Hope were my personal favourites. I also wanted to get around to playing Desert Combat, Eve of Destruction or the Pirate Mods of the games but never had the time or harddrive space. Most of these mods have continued onto Battlefield 2 or 2142.

Sadly, I haven't been able to play the sequals to Battlefield 1942. Battlefield 2 and 2142 need an extremely better Processor much to my grief. Battlefield 3 doesn't sound that much appealing to me too. I think it is sad EA bought DICE now and we will never see Battlefield Imperial Era or Battlefield Korea.

The influence of the game had spread very well, most FPS games these days go for the old conquest node capture mode they streamlined and the proof that several of the mods have moved on to different engines (SOURCE, Crystis etc) by retaining the streamlined team against team with lots of guns and vehicle action. PlanetSide the MMO remindes me a lot of the game, and is excellent to buy if you are an old junkie like me who wants to capture positions and appear the most on the kill message portion of the screen with your signature weapon icon.

One of these days, I must reinstall and see if a few Vanilla servers are still going...

City of Heroes/Villans: Best MMO ever?

A City of Heroes. Be honest, one of the first things you can remember loving as a kid was comic boys and the legions of heroes and villains inside them. DC or Marvel, Batman or Spiderman it really didn't matter as long as they kicked the equally costume clad baddies ass to the street corner every time using bad ass powers and amusing subtle dialogue. All screenshots are provided by me thanks to the permission of my heroes and villains (Had to bribe the latter) and I can be reached on the Union server with a /tell to @RedCommissar.

A typical battle in Paragon City these days.

Apparently, Jack Emmert AKA Statesman as he is known in the game felt the same way and around 2000 decided to begin developing a MMO with some of his buddies based not on the typical magic sword and sorcery Evercrap clones but instead, a game based on spandex and Kevlar clad modern warriors of peace and justice. City of Heroes was born, followed four years later by the evil twin known as City of Villains.

Protecting the city, for 300 roubles an hour....

I started playing COH just before the turn of the new year, in late 2005. I rang in 2006 slapping and shooting the crap out of Hellions on the streets of Atlas Park with my main toon Red Commissar (Who I still play faithfully today several years on) and I must say I was simply gobsmacked at how good and original the game was. A few months earlier, I was one of the many rats that fled the sinking ship of Star Wars Galaxies after SOE sabotaged all attempts of a fun original game by introducing the NGE and confirming they and Lucas Arts were determined to copy the crap out of WoW for the phat bucks.

Flying high and dry in Paragon with Red Commissar

COH was the perfect round peg for the round peg hole that was my void in life after leaving SWG. At the time, a majority of MMO games were still Sword and Magic bollocks I was not interested in. I didn't care much for the weak alternatives out there that weren't (Matrix Online was another bitch of SOE and Anarchy Online was ancient). I knew I hit MMO gold when I first started creating Red Commissar with the character creator. Interestingly enough, Internet satire humour Web Site reviewed COH and was actually quite impressed with it.

Mr Necropolis makes hoods Pay, Akimbo Dirty Harry Style!

When creating a Hero/Villain you first choose his/her/its origins. They depend on the types of enhancements as well as what types of powers weaken you or don't effect you. The Hero origins are Natural (Think Batman) Tech (Ironman) Mutant (Spiderman) Science (The Flash) or Magic (Mr Impossible). Villains have the same Origin system. After you have chosen what origin your hero or villain got their powers you must decide what Archetype you must be. With Heroes, you can be the Ranged Blaster, Strongman Tank, Army of One Scrapper, The healing and buffer Defender or the Controller who has the power to weaken, confuse and anti-buff the baddies.

A battle with the Rikti Invaders, possibly the biggest melee ever.

Attacking, WITH MIND BEAMZ!

Villains have different Archetypes to heroes, The Brute is their Tank who gets angrier and tougher when hit more, the Stalker is a Stalker that can cloak and uses Stealth, The Master Mind is a Villain who commands a small group of NPC Thugs to do his dirty work while he buffs and manages them and the Dominator is a mix of Defender and Controller, The Corrupter uses Ranged powers and buffs with his secondaries .

Dr Spelimino, My Master Mind with his hired goons.

This barely free Con will soon to be founder of the Sliderz Hoods.

Once you have chosen your Archetype, you will have quite a few different primary and secondary power sets to choose from. You can grab a single power from each of the two lists as your starter powers.

Dual Blades held by a hawt Demoness. Triple the fun.

Once you choose your Origin and Powers you must create your heroes look, and even back in post Issue 6 COH before they brought over the City of Villains costume parts and post Issue 8 costume stuff, even before the wings and other Invention costume pieces the damn character creator was pretty original for the most part. You can knock up all sorts in that thing, from Mad Pirate Beastman to a Tiny Foxy Schoolgirl with Neon Green hair and whiskers to a massive Alien looking thing with an Afro hair style. Cowboy hats, cat ears, reptile tails, metalic skull masks, bow ties, Tuxedo jackets, chain necklaces, chokers, fingerless gloves, motor cycle boots and trenchcoats at some of the many many many items you can choose from to slap on your potential hero or villain. The character creator has more stuff than Bruce Wayne's Clothes Closet.

They may have numbers, but we have skill and glowy energy stuff!

After that, You name your new hero/villain, give them a catchy phrase that you can activate by pushing F11 and take to the streets to fight the many villains of Paragon or to gain power with Arachnos in the Rogue Isles. Both City of Heroes/Villains have pretty well done and unique Tutorial zones you can skip if you have done them once (But lose out on some of the badges lurking in the areas) and get straight to the streets and your first mission handing outer contact.

Earn your wings in crime fighting to look as mysterious as this guy!

Combat it self was the traditional select baddie to bash and make sure you don't get too tired by keeping an eye on the endurance bar. The combat won me over easily, because it reminded me of the dear departed Pre-CU system of SWG. Heroes or Villains can not only hurt their targets but also stun, slow, poison, hold, knock them back into the air, turn them against their buddies and taunt them with a wide ass arrays of powers. From standard Super Strength to Dark Energy to Web Grenades and Conventional Guns every power here to stock the Arsenals of Paragon Heroes and Rogue Islands Villains. A hero can loot temporary inspirations (Which sort of like feelings and emotions in comic book terms) which can be a small temporary buff that gives them a heroic edge in the heat of battles as well as loot enhancements.


Ho-hum, just a battle against Giant Plant Monsters.

Most of the action you will face in the game will be out on the cities streets, or inside the many missions of the game. You get these missions from your contacts, based on many different storylines. When finished with a contact, they send you to one of two buddies to to do them a favour and so forth. You get special enhancements or the odd badge for completing a story line with your contacts. Another mission is a Task Force, which is like an epic quest. With TF's you and your team of heroes must do a series of missions. The tough thing about Task Forces is that they are serious with the difficulty as well as impossible to do in portions. Nobody can quit your team during a TF and you have to ride the thing out together. They give massive amounts of experience, as well as a badge and some other goodies. They also are more detailed and offer some pretty amazing places to go and fight in. Task Force Contacts are usually in most of the games zones. The final mission type is a Radio/Newspaper mission. These missions send you to a place in the Zone where Criminals are lurking and your must whip their asses. Good for a quick fix of exp and instant gratification. Once you do a series of these missions, you will be sent to an NPC who will send you to a Safeguard or Mayhem missions in which you had to save or smash up a massive part of Paragon under siege from NPC Armies. These contained mini missions where you can get badges and very useful temp powers.

Costume contests, a Great way to win Inf and RP with heroes.

Recently, Since Issue 9 Heroes and Villains can create Enhancements with Salvage in the Universities, as well as costume parts and sell such Salvage on the WoW-esqe Auction Houses. Influence, The 'currency' of the game can be used to not only buy and sell stuff in the houses, but to buy Inspirations and Enhancements from Contacts, to change your costumes at the tailors and to change mission difficulty levels.

You call THAT a blade? THIS, is a blade!

You won't be fighting alone, the best bit is that this game encourages you to team up with the rest of the colourful player populace (You can be side-kicked to do damage to NPC Mobs) and share or fight in your own missions together side by spandex clad side. You can, at level 10, found your very own Super Group (Guild) and build your own Batcave of a base. Bases in COX can be fought over, as well as be used to store the Salvage/Enhancements/Inspirations of the game. You can even invent stuff inside your base without having to go all the way to the pesky Uni or buy and set up Teleporters that take you straight to the Zone instead of going the painful public transportation ways. Going into SG mode earns Prestige that helps expand your Superbadassman Fortress.

Coming soon, In Issue 12, Neighberhood Watch Missions!

Paragon City and TRI both are made from many different, unique and colourful zones full of mucho eye candy in the way of Landmarks, Citizens, Villains and NPC Heroes/Cops/Longbow and the back story of the COH Universe is really interesting. They COH comic books themselves (The early ones like the ones that ship with the COH game box) are worth downloading at the website to read and in game missions, task forces and events are wordy but satisfying to read and bask in.

The beautiful Ouroborous Zone is the latest addition to the game.

COH contains many things I really love or find amusing/awesome. For example, NPC Villains and some of the scenery is rag dolled. Rag doll physics. In an MMO. It simply is beautiful to watch the rag dolled body of a Hellion be punched into the air, and land painfully, legs akimbo on the back of a parked car. Another example of such fun game engine physics is spent shell cases from guns. If you own a Mercenary Mastermind or Blaster with the Assault Rifle Full Auto power you can jump up and down with glee on this massive pile of shells cases, sending them flying up or in all directions. Players who have a Controller with the propel power (Thing The Gravity Gun with Items appearing from nowhere) will love this the most.

Pink Panties? Angry? Likes to fling people with her powers? Dominator.

Another thing that makes me smile is the travel powers. COH comes with many different ways in scaling the city zones from the traditional running really fast or riding on the train to leaping from building to ground to building, Superman flying, Teleporting or fast shoe burning running like The Flash are the four main travel powers of the game. All of which make excellent screenshot fodder. Players can also get their hands on some temporary power Jetpacks lying around, or be buffed by another players travel power.

To a Mid Level Tank, All these guys are easy-peasy.

As you advance in power levels, you first gain a title then you will eventually unlock your cape (level 20) and 2nd costume slot, auras at level 30 with another costume slot, epic powers with level 40 and the final costume slot and finally at level 50 you unlock the 'hidden' Peacebringer/Warshade Origins. These little things, as well as the many badges you can find (Finding a badge allows you to wear the name of it just under the title and also gives you 500 exp) which are littered around the cities, given for doing Task Forces or handed to you for reading plaques in certain orders that tell everyone a little bit of the cities past.

The worst kind of Mad Scientist, One with a Rifle.

My favourite Zone in COH has to be Striga Island, Home of the Fascist Cult Villain The Council (Who replaced the Nazi 5th Column a few years back during one of the Issues) which is full of Council Soldiers, Zombies, Werewolves, The Jetpacked Tech Sky Raider Pirate Mercs and Mafia Soldiers of The Family all crammed together on an Island with a fishing Village on the shore to a Massive Council Base full of the insidious bastards.

Teutonic Hussar, Now with more blue and new sword!

All in all, I love COX. It is one of the MMO games where you will NEVER find anyone that looks like your character. Every hero, heroine, villan or temptress look unique. The game gives you a serious feeling of accomplishment, when your becloaked and glaring your noble Blue Aura smashing hulking MALTA Mech Robots with the flick of your little finger amongst your full diverse team of Super Group members makes you look back and remember your quieter, less known badly costumed self struggling to take down the Hellions and Skulls, Simple Street Gang bangers armed with Knives and Revolver Pistols alone.

A successful Hero has an equally awesome looking crib.

Cryptic every few months updates the game with new issues, which ALWAYS gives the game new content as well as the usual balances and bug fixes. Unlike some MMO's the Nerfbat whines never seem to matter much and so far, the Developers have been pretty good in satisfying their community without pissing them off badly (SOE, Looking at you once more) for monies like most MMO Devs in the past. They also make little updates introducing missions themed on certain Holidays (Christmas, Valentines Day and Halloween are major favourites) which are pretty popular and nice to take part in.

I'll show these guys mayhem. I will mayhem them hard!

PVP is pretty much well served for COX. There are several PVP zones for early, mid and late level players (Two Heroes Versus Villains and One Free For All Zone) as well as The Arena, a massive Stadium Building in several Zones where players can have friendly duels with each other with a massive set of customised options to choose from.

Even Heroes with Sword and Shoulderpad Fetishes love to talk

All in all, City of Heroes is the best MMO out there is you want to don the cape and cowl of a Super Hero. The promised Marvel and DC MMO looks like they will never happen (Which is kind of good anyway, because the amount of canon and back story will annoy RPers) and NCSoft have recently bought Cryptic Studios and now have become a happy family meaning that COH and COH2 will be around and come to us in the next few years.

Recently, Issue 11 has hit the game. It introduces two more powers to the massive pool (Dual Blades and Willpower!) as well as the option to go back in time and take part in missions and contacts you may have missed while leveling up as well as now giving players the option to customise their weapons from the start or at the tailors (Blasters, Tankers, Dual Bladers, Master Minds and Scrappers rejoiced in the streets) or unlock more with certain badges/missions and a new Zone with new missions, a new task force and the promised return of The 5th Column Nazi baddies.

I close simply stating if you are looking for a MMO to have a free trial with, try and get one for COH. You might enjoy it a lot. I do. Up and ATOM folks! MOTHERLAND!

Memories of Star Wars Galaxies Episode II

Tonight, I'm going to post some more memories I gleaned from my past in classic SWG and entertain you all. This time I will be gleaning a few from my Bria toon. First a little background about how I started out on Bria. Like I mentioned in the previous SWG memory post the CU had hit and driven most of my friends to quitting or migrating to busier servers. Eventually, I decided I was bored hanging around the quiet Cantina in FarStar with nothing but the occasional AFK Entertainer bot for company so I created my toon on the busiest and more notorius server SWG had.That server was Bria. Bria was infamous for several things, it was the first and laggiest server SWG has ever had and it was big on PVP. It was also an AmericanWest Coast server which operated on a different time zone to my previous European server.

I cared not and created my human male (I regret not making any interesting alien toonswhen SWG finally bit the big one) named Akrady Renko. I heard that for once, The GalacticEmpire on Bria was the top dog in the GCW and from the very start when I got SWG I decidedto become an Imperial. I was finally determined to grind up and get a full suit of Stormtrooperarmour. I also decided to grind up a Ranged toon, Pistoleer, Carbineer with a mixture of Scout.
I made the toon my main after the effects of the CU became fully apparent and began playing Ak more than Rom.

I joined the Imperial Navy instead of the Army and worked hard in my training TIE Fighterand soon was wearing the full gear of an Imperial Navy TIE Fighter Pilot. Sadly, I didn't feel Imperial enough. Then I spotted groups of more than one player wearing Stormtrooper armour all around Tatooine, which was once again my playground planet. I asked earnestlyif I could join and it turned out to be an RP guild. I cared not, and begged. I was givenan interview with one of their Officers in the City Cantina where their PA Hall was.

I passed and became a fleging member of Stormtrooper Gamma Company in its glory days.With ST-G, I worked hard and RPed with them to my hearts content even getting the hang of the CUeventually and began hanging around exclusively with them in general. Several members workedhard and helped me slowly earn the FP for purchasing Stormtrooper armour (Before the CU you just neededFP to get the stuff from a recruiter) but eventully one of my friends gave me a lucky break and boughtme a full post CU crafted set of Stormie armour. I was most impressed, But I still needed an assload ofFP to equip and wear it.

One of the interesting things we did in ST-G when we got together and formed a nice littleImperial Platoon full of immaculately armoured Stormtroopers and Officers was either RP PatrolMos Eisley or help the Empire in general on the server by scouting out and removing PVEor rarely, PVP bases on the planet. The experince of storming the first base, getting into cover and shooting out the defensive turrets and then charging in ready to take on the Rebel Soldiers inside with aims to activate the self destruction sequince still is in my fond memories now.

I remember a Veteran, Clad in Clonetrooper Expansion Pack Fodder armour giving me an entireset of Scouttrooper armour for free, much to my friends envy. I loved that armour and I stillwish I wore it, even only just once before I left the game. Sadly, I needed 20k fp to wearand bind each individual piece to me. Towards the late CU, a friend in the Guild also gave me his TIE Interceptor which I never got a chance to equip up and fly.

Apparently, Our PA had to leave the city we were stationed in because the New Mayorwas Pro-Rebel and ST-G resettled on the green Gungan and Spider infested swampy plainsof Naboo in a player city known as Central Dogma. One of our PA Allies, COMPNOR had createdthe city and welcomed us with open arms. From now on, Naboo and Theed Cantina would be mynew home but the Patrols on Mos Eisley never stopped then. I got my favourite home for free for joiningCentral Dogma, before once more it was another small Tatooine Mudhut. The Medium sized Naboohome was huge and I decorated it finerly with furniture, memoirs of my travels and loot.I even kept a Pet Dewback which I couldn't ride because of the CU in the basement. I named him Billy. I used Imperial butter to get him through the doorway.

I remember as the Episode III Hype was getting big that SOE forced LA to unleash a prequal-tastic Expansion called Rage of The Wookiees. With that expansion, we got an entirelynew planet (Kashyssk) which was basically just a huge, laggy and slightly bug filled theme park.I remember reading in the Bria forums the Ryatt Trail Controversies between the ever growingnumber of J3di and Bounty Hunters. I remember myself how laggy it got on this planet for myPC and when the novelty of the new place wore off I rarely went.

The J3di Rift that swallowed the whole game even hit ST-G, A few Commanding Officers and 3rd generation ST-G members began grinding Jedi despite the fact the already anti-canonicalpresence they had on the game and the fundemental rule of nothing BUT Stormtroopers being in a PA based on Stormtroopers. A lot of bad words were said between the Jedi Guys and theFundies and rifts opened. Old school PA members leaving the game or losing interest becausethey were free trial players was also getting common.
The PA needed rebooting and became much more strict after the storm passed.

I rememberwhen players were finally allowed to be passengers in other players speeders, severalnew Landspeeders were introduced into the game including a people carrier that could holdeight people. Two of these were adopted into ST-G and painted Imperial Colours. Our bestcampaign on Corellia involved fourteen of us blasting three PVE Rebel bases and hittingthe Alliance hard on its traditional homeworld.

I had grown to love my Stormtrooper armour so much, I rarely took it off and was eithereither wearing that or the Grey Imperial Officer uniform. I occasionaly wore my casualclothes (Especially during the rift era of the PA where I was removed temporarly) butlike with my other toon I had solidified my 'style'. I also grown attached to theE-11 Mark II Combine, Which you needed to Master Carbineer to wield.

I remember taking part in Mr Bria 2005 at Club Shim on Lok (In SWG slang, A shim is usually a female toon played by a male toon) and wearing nothing but hawtpants, Stormtrooper booties,gloves and my helmet. I sadly did not win, but I got to the semi-finals much to peoples amusement.

Another memory is receiving the Interesting Person Badge from the guy in charge ofall the events, Pex, while touring a little spice party on Tatooine with a small crowdof semi-RPers. Don't ask why an Imperial Stormie was there, he just was. Perks you know?

I remember trying out different physical features with Ak too. At first, he was pale dueto the fact he was going to wear a Pilot suit/Stormtrooper armour all the time. Eventuallyan ID friend made him less pale, gave him a tan and a new haircut. For a while, this wasAk's lady killer look. Eventually, I bored of the tan and asked for a normal pink skin pigmentation. Towards the end of the CU era I experimented and gave Ak a moustache and goatee.

Another fond memory of mine with Ak is defending Bestine during one of the infamous Sand PeopleAttack. Pre-CU Sand People were HARDCORE. I mean it, You'd have trouble with them unless youhad a decently branched skilled Combat Toon or a decent group. The Imperial City of Bestine onTatooine would be flooded with every type of Tusken Raider NPC, from the basic grunts tothe deadly Warlord Chieften who could have pwned my n00b ass easily with one hit. However playersflooded Bestine and pushed the scum back. The fighting came to a climax in the Bestine TownHall building, as small army of every type of players took on the Warlord and his body guards, followedby attacking the mighty Dark Jedi behind the invasion. I remember kneeling on the top of the raised portionof the room firing down into this massive melee with a Tusken Rifle (Oh the irony).

On the night before the NGE was going out, Me and some reformed ST-G buddies armoured up and decided to join in several mass PVP raids while we still could. It was great fun, crushingthe Rebels in Bestine and seizing the Shuttle Port before they could rally enough men to defend it.I remember even getting my first and only PVP kill in my history of the game.

Sadly, My memories with Ak ended painfully once and for all with the sudden mound of poop thatwas the NGE. One of the first blows was having to choose one of the lame 8 classes after losingall my skills from the FOUR diverse classes I had grinded hard for. I choose Officer, whichwas a mistake because it was one of the most gimped classes. Much to my annoyance most ofmy guns which I carried in my pack as a Mini-armoury did not work with Officer and all I couldwield was this piddily generic looking slug pistol. This, along with other stupid changes of the NGEmore or less made my urge to play SWG die inside me.

ST-G had to move again because the NGE sadly killed off the dwinding population of Central Dogma.Infact, ST-G formed a new city on Naboo and our HQ went to its third and final transformationinto the Mustofar bunker. I remember coming back from the little party we had opening the place, sitting downin my Naboo Medium houses bed and logging out. I never logged back in again. I sadly simply lostinterest and did something else. I really sometimes faintly miss Bria, Theed Cantina which instantly emptied after the NGE and my fellow ST-G members including the friends who stuck close to me all times. Thesame goes for my comrades on FarStar.

Maybe one day, we'll meet each other when SWG-Emu is finally completed next year. I would certainlyre-equip my Stormtrooper armour once more for the Galactic Empire.

Stupid RTS Mission Objectives!

Okay, I'm a little angry at Homeworld 2 right about now after wasting almost forty five minutes just trying to complete the second mission and in general, hundreds of RTS games who more or less have used the same sort of attempts at gameplay that makes me want to punch them in the face with steel gloves with sharp rusty spikes on the knuckles covered with the Ebola Virus.

So below is a list of things in RTS Mission Campaigns that piss me off and make me want to hurl something in the wall in general frustration when I fail the goddamn mission for the fortieth time forcing me use to cheats just to get to the less crappy parts of the campaign. Pay attention future game developers:

The Frustrating As Hell Escort Mission:

The plot of the damn story usually at the early part or middle parts of the games campaign ALWAYS sticks you with some weak ass convoy or units to escort in the middle of a dangerous war zone. Excuse me, But I am the Goddamn Head Commander General of the Pwnsauce National Gun Bang Armed Forces! I am not a goddamn baby sitter. I REFUSE to escort this tiny, slow weakass bunch of units through the RTS version of Baghdad and former Yugoslavia combined. Couldn't you morons in HQ stick this on somebody else? Or, GASP send me to clear this oddly small but heavily held bit of enemy land to the objective and bring the fricking escort later? Why do you NEED to use lightly armoured barely armed vehicles when we can haul this stuff on the back of a plane or something anyway?

The Time Limit:

Gaming is about relaxing, and taking ones time while enjoying myself. So the last goddamn thing I need to is quickly rush and grind out troops, gather resources and get my shit together in only THREE MINUTES before a massive, heavily experienced and odd undetectable to the last second sweeps and crashes into my base while HQ demands me to hurry up. Goddamit, this isn't fun! Time Limits are never fun! Who ACTUALLY likes being rushed in real life? Nobody but sado-masochists I suspect. How about some goddamn recon for a change HQ? Or a decent amount of resources for a decent defence to be slapped together instead just the contents of my piggy bank.

Terribly coded and dumb as a brickwall AI:

Oh goodie, Reinforcements! The cavalry has arrived! we're not going to die! Wait, why are they just standing there, scratching there ass? We're getting overwhelmed down here. Keep going you dumb bastards! NO, DON'T CHARGE TOWARDS THEIR BASE YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM NO NO NO ARGH! Mission Failure!? Seriously, The arrival of your buddies is SUPPOSE to be good a sign that the tide of battle is turning for you at last. Instead, you usually get some meagre forces that somehow think that their Commander is just as good as the main characters and suicide charge either the enemy HQ and their overwhelming numbers and wipe themselves out. They have an annoying habit of standing or leaning against the Escort ignoring the enemy smashing it or getting stuck in the scenery. Instead of hope, we end up with bloody stupid cannon fodder. Just give us new resources instead, HQ.

Endless Objectives:

Nothing is more irritating that arriving on the battlefield, Army freshly assembled and resources strongly rolling it when HQ phones up and changes PWN TEH ENEMY to a massive weekly sized shopping list of main and miniature objectives. Stupidly, 75% of them require you to complete these to the maximum result or suffer the inevitable and punishing mission failure screen and a bruised knuckles for abusing your monitor in the face in frustration. This attempt to mimic the changing face of warfare fails simply because in real life, Napoleon did not have to rescue fifty men unarmed men and their Caravans, Defend several Columns and fight the whole Battle of Austerlitz on his goddamn head.

The AI Backstab:

So, it seems we're finally winning the battle at last right? We've just overcame the cowardly and weak Supply Train Escort, built out defences up, dragged the AI Reinforcements to not kill themselves all at once and JUST managed to finish the ever growing list of must complete tasks. All clear from here right? Nope, prepare for the Allies that sent you the earlier reinforcements to turn on you and send an equally large hoard of enemy soldiers alongside the enemy. Both the enemy and traitor AI will gang up beautifully and crush you in an unstoppable tide of onslaught.

Done! Now RTS Developers, learn to fix your campaigns by removing all crap like these or consider my long time love of RTS gaming dead. And than means, I won't be buying anymore.

The General State of HL2 Multiplayer Mods

First off, before we begin this little rank have a look at this:

http://www.steampowered.com/v/index.php?area=stats&

Click the bit below the graph and scope out the numbers and come back and read. Done it? Good. I guess you have noticed the Counter Strike three, CS, CSS and Condition Zero being the top dogs when it comes to the most amount of players and active servers. If not, awesome it means finally the HL2 and VALVe gaming community has decided to freaking branch out a little.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't hate CS. I love it, my first article on this thing was about CSS! But I can only play the game now and again and only a few maps before getting satisfied or bored. Occasionally, a new map spices things up a little but that is as exciting as things get with CSS. Shoot the baddies and save the same four terrorists/stop the bomb with uber guns. Nothing else. Yet, I seem to be one of the few these days that actually bothers looking around for alternatives to my online shooting people in the face action.

And apparently, a lot of free very well done Mods and cheap Independent games are out there these days. However, only recently TF2 has barely come close to beating the three CSS games off the chart after years of development. A lot go equally good games however are floundering. It is pretty sad when the most highly populated mod out there is based on an anime where grown muscle men with weird hair scream at each other for majority of an episode before shooting LAZER BEAMZ at each other endlessly. What the bloody hell?

It isn't like there isn't variety, Mr Nurdbot you cry! WRONG. HL2 CTF pretty much spices up HL2 DM which gets old after a few hours with adding two different flag capture modes, Unreal Tournie Runes and some new weapons to main the opposite team with. Insurgency is a Realism based mod set in the curret Iraq Crisis, The Ship is Hitman meets Cluedo with cartoon graphics and style just as good as TF2! Battlegrounds 2 is the only FPS with freaking muskets! Zombie Master and Empires, Fight with or against your RTS god! Hell, Fortress Forever is an excellent Mod for those who want a more gritty old school Team Fortress Classic. Sometimes, Even Garrys Mod Player count is low! Hell, I am surprised one of the daddies of modern Death Match Goldeneye SOURCE has such a low player count too!

How do I know this? Because I have played MOST of those mods on that damn list over the last few years. And uninstalled them sadly when the numbers drop to the point where only a few decent servers remain. I am a little guilty of that too, but sadly my HD space isn pretty small these days. All of these mods have taken years to put together with extreme dedication by their developers. Occasionally, a Mod gets lucky and is mentioned on STEAM or in a big named PC Games Magazine though sadly sometimes some Mods only get word of mouth via Mod DB and a few hardcore fans. This worries me, if gamers keep on playing Counter Strike and not make the effort to at least try and download and play something new before returning to their comfort food of FPS gaming then why should these people care? Aside from the happy few hoping their hours of their lives going into this free quality entertainment get plucked and employed by VALVE like the creators of Counter Strike and Day of Defeat.

Oh yeah, CS was a Mod once. The sick irony eh? So people do me a favour if you can. If you have the right specs, time and room check some of these Mods out on YouTube or Mod DB. Consider at least giving them a try, you might like fragging somebody outside CSS! who knows?

Mario Kart 64 and Double Dash

Tonight, we're going to discuss how awesome Mario Kart 64 was and how the Gamecube successor didn't do so well readers.

First off, a little information about Mario Kart. The first Mario Kart was for the Super Nintendo and was released in the early nineties. Mostly sprite based but cutesy, addictive and being of the Super Nintendo games you could play against thee other people it was one of the more successful games Mario tied himself in between saving Princess Peach in the years. A few years later, around 1998 Super Mario Kart 64 came into being. It was bigger, badder and chuck full of eye candy and other up to date things.

Mario Kart 64 was the game that came with the family Nintendo 64. Back then readers, Game Consoles shipped with at least one launch title. I am not sure games consoles still do that, since I haven't bought one myself in years but it was a throwback from the 2D years where a game came installed in the console it self. I loved the game. My family loved the game. People who I didn't know as a kid came into my house and loved the game with us. It was the game that encouraged us to get more than two N64 Controllers.

We all had our favourites. Myself, I loved the Grand Prix racing against the AI as Wario and simply stocking up on Red Shells of Doom or Banans. I could have played the Mushroom Cup forever in those days, simply for the joy of shooting the crap out of Toad from point blank range. To this day, the music for those courses still pounds in head. The quirky theme from Luigi Stadium, The Tropical Music of Calamari Beach and that irritating country crap that played during Moo Moo Farm. And for the first time, you heard the main players of the Mario Saga actually speak. Well, Roar, Honk or Oook in DK, Yoshii and Bowsers case. And to the Voice Actress who did and possibly still does Peach, please stop. You are terrible at this.

A year later, The game had a main competitor (Diddy Kong Racing) made by Rareware that tried to beat Mario Kart 64 by throwing us the PG Conker, Planes and Hovercraft. Aside from spawning several thousand furries and having the most irritating known courses to man it failed and Mario Kart 64 remained strong. It even got a port to the Gameboy Advance. Does anyone still remember the Gameboy Advance?

A few years back, The Family bought a Gamecube for Christmas 2004 and Mario Kart Double Dash was one of the games that came with it (A case of History Repeated I know) and it was fun. I want to be clear, I don HATE Double Dash. I really do like playing it, it looks pretty and it has some of its moments but it made one crucial silly mistake. And that mistake was....

SOLO KART mode. Seriously, would putting in ONE Grand Prix of a few Updated Mario Kart classic maps have hurt dammit? It would have certainly improved the sales for the console a lot more I would think. Sadly, Double Dash was also effected by the Gamecube Stigmata like all Gamecube games at the time strugging against the X-Box and PS2.

Double Dash was still fun though, seeing some of the older Mario Kart characters returning to the game and a few new faces from the more recent Gamecube Mario games popping up too. It also had more Karts, all of which were nicely detailed and felt unique when driving. And you could pick your riders as well as the Kart! Customisation will always be the key to unlocking the key to my heart with most games.

Now a days, The Wii is just behind the X-Box 360 in the so called Console Wars and Nintendo is once more doing good. The question is, Will there be a Mario Kart Wii coming? It seems quite possible. If so, I will certainly by myself and the Family it with the Wii to finish the epic modern Mario Kart trilogy once and for all.

Fun with Garrys Mod 10: Screenshot Showcase 1

Today my readers I feel simply like posting and commenting some of my favourite little pieces I have down in Gmod 10 in the last few months. I'll talk majorly about the game it self and some of the Online Mini-Mods some other time but for now lets take a look at my portfolio of madness!

This little piece I call Old Fools, capturing the drunk madness that takes the mind of the most strongest of men when submerged into the pits of Alchoholic stupidity. For once, Eli seems to be enjoying himself too.

I call this one Zombie Crowd Surfer, As you can see this man is accomplishing one of mans wildest dreams ever, to surf a crowd of Zombies. It was beautiful as it was brief as seconds later he fell on the floor and the zombies eated him to death. A shame friend, you will live in my Zombie Surviving heart.

Soft Drink Wh0re captures the greed and gluttony of Male 6 when he finally discovers that change in the post Combine World is no longer needed. However, his weight gain makes him perfect Poison Headcrab Zombie fodder for the Legions of the Undead.

Death By Orange Box shows that not even Barney Calhoun, Everyones favourite chirpy and witty former Black Mesa Security Guard and former Civil Protection Officer can resist the binding grip of Team Fortress 2 or Porta and the mantra of frags not foodl. Poor poor Barney, another one for the Tabloids.

Even the girls of DOA with access to a time machine and teleportation devices help fight the war agains the Combine Fascists in the near future of Half Life 2. Truly these brave young scantily clad armed tank riding women should be saluted when they pass in the Earth Liberation victory parade!

Alyx here finally finds out why drinking the tampered Combine Water is a vital rule of survival in the future.

The Gman and Eli have no qualms in jumping on this fresh bed they find in the middle of nowhere, as they say you cannot take the boy out of the Quantom Physics Scientist and Mysterious Alien Fed.

As we see, Doctor Kleiner here has no qualms in rocking out royal on this Piano infront of Lamarr, part of quite the intricate human headcrab mating process we assume.

It seems Alyx had quite the cleft palette before Eli finally paid that Vortigaunt dentist to zap some pretty back into her mouth.

Right, that is all the pics I'll share at the moment. Expect more of these little show cases for the future when I don't have time to knock up a bird slightly amusing wordy article about gaming okay? For now, drink, get fat and jump on a bed readers.