Fixing Battleground Europe AKA World War II Online!

Hello dear readers, I appologise deeply for the seven month gap between updates and all but life in general and what not.

Recently, I resubbed to WW2OL which is the daddy of the rare genre known as the massively multiplater first person shooter. For those who don't know what it is about, it is a Iron Man Realistic FPS based on the early war European Front with the BEF and a non certain heavily fortified wall obsessed French Army against the German Wehrmacht. Said MMO is made by a small Independent Studio called Cornered Rat Software (An apt name considering the juggernaughts of the MMO Industry like Blizzard, Cryptic and SOE to compete against) a small ground of Programmers in good old Texas.

Now, I love WW2OL. It is incredibly unique, a combination of pure PVP, FPS and Realism with a huge dash of Flight, Tank and Navy Sim combined. Alas, it has problems. Monitor punching, desk breaking instant unsubscription causing problems that has kept this gem limping in second lane when, egad things like PlanetSide and SWG get more attention. This little list is my own way of coping with such problems, I am sure CRS and Battleground Europe will eventually get there day if the MMO Industry keeps bombarding us with low shoddy fantasy MMO's.

Scale Down The European Front Slighty:

Now, looking at the in game map I noticed that a huge chunk of lower France, east Germany and the Netherlands don't have ANY roads, towns, cities, villages or factories due to the fact by now it is established where most of the action in Western Europe takes place (the game is currently fighting the War for the forty fifth time now) so I propose a little shaving and shelving off of those abandoned areas of Europe until the Western Front is re-populated to the point where it is needed. This will relieve the server and everyones load times a little bit. Other ways of transport that won't encourage camping or cheap gameplay like having trains and cars with limited amounts of fuel that won't spawn would be also be a good idea on cutting back the tiring trecks around this moon-esqe landscape to find action.

Upgrade The Graphics:

The Graphics are the game, whilst not being as bad as when the game first started out in 1999, are to the casual gamer about as appealing as a plate of Mash Potato. They aren't terrible, you can put up with them and focus on the gameplay but lets face it even todays low end PC and Server systems can handle nicely detailed and smooth polygons and Bitmaps, heck EVEN Physics. I suggest working on the terrain first followed by Infantry models and finally things like buildings, weather and the huge amount of vehicles at last. It would be nice not to lag slightly when zooming in on my Rifles iron sights to make my kill with these graphics I would admit, thus costing me precious seconds of reaction time.

Installing VOIP:

Lets face it. TeamSpeak is a hassle to set up and after finally passing numerious anti-opposing front spy checks and registering one won't use the damn thing when he finds out only fifty people are using it when he plays. Get a seperate company to code in the software at the same time. Once this is fixed the game will see a lot more people working together instead of lone wolfing, getting fed up and unsubscribing. Bonus points if a SFX of old fashioned radio cracking signify people activating it in game. People will actually crew Tanks, Planes and Boats because they can communicate and react much quicker.

Improving the UI and Web Site:

The WW2OL Website is another brilliant bonus for the game, who doesn't love checking out detailed combat statisitics, getting medals and reading about your kick ass killing spree in the nicely done Newspaper which reports the progress of the campaign, what is being researched and produced and how bad the Kill/Death ratio for your Army is. However, this could be improved greatly with more detail and letting the Generals of each army proof read and submit player stories and reports .

The game UI is also slightly clunky. It takes forever to figuire out where to find action for a new player and pretty much kicks the whole crewing system up the ass by being an obscure out of the way panel at the spawn screen. The loading screens are cute with all this random WW2 Trivia combined with screenshots of the game and War era images but there are too few of them. And the music, god! Have some different tracks of the old war era music.

Encouraging Team Work:

Team Work in this game is budding but strugging, the temptation to go lone wolf is incredibly great. Of course, it ends up with you getting killed seconds later. Encourage soldiers to group up or at least pair with a soldier with a Rifle or SMG if you have a AT Rifle for back up. Have Soldiers of a certain rank auto-mark their killers when they die, let Officers give certain buffs that give soldiers a tiny bit more stamina when it comes to damage and speed. Give points to players working together on the field or crewing planes and tanks. The gesture system is cute, but map them to keys instead of .annoyingcommand because typing things out in FPS games gets the unwary killed very easily. Add some voice commands too, like a certain less realistic WW2 Online FPS and give CO's a Battlefield 2 esqe ability to draw on the map.

Drop the Credit Card Required Option for the Free Trial:

People like an easy to download and play game CRS, so drop the annoying issue for people to put credit card details to play. To some more paranoid people, this seems suspicious whilst other lazy people will just shrug and close the browser. If you wish to stop people abusing free trials just keep track of IP addresses or E-Mail addresses instead. More people will play the trial and consider getting account if they can just download, register and boot up.

As I type this, CSR works hard in making this game better than before and they are doing very well considering the fact this game is now 7 years old. With Unity II on the way and a Chinese Release hopefully they will scrape enough cash together to make a few more epic changes and pull in a few thousand more players. When that happens, maybe they will eventually release the infamous North African, Pacific or Soviet Fronts onto our desktops.

Team Fortress 2 Maps: Likes and Dislikes!

The thing for todays update is this. After playing TF2 for a month, spending most of my time on the default VALVE maps (Only a few custom maps that are not an eyesore/badly released/custom gimmicks are worth mentioning at the moment) it is time for me to spill my guts (not really, My keyboard is crap as it is these days) and tell the interweb what I like, dislike and wish to see on these battlefields of comical gruesome genocide.





Name: cti_2fort

My Likes: Ah, 2fort. One of my personal favourites and one of the only official Capture The Flag type maps VALVE has seen fit to bestow apon the TF2 community. Based on the classic Quake Era of Team Fortress with a new interior and exterior look that fits the style of TF2 like a glove as a deranged Pet Detective once said and despite the clean sterile look in the picture, soaked with the blood of many who defy me. Why do I love 2fort? On a good server with a decent team, it is a map that can make a game last longer than the usual 20-15 minutes. This is however, also a bad bad thing I'll cover below too. The old school game mode and time extension are not the only plusses. I love how VALVE decided to give us several ways in getting into the enemy base as a lovely fuck you to all those annoying campers out there.

Seeing as I mainly a Pyro Class player, 2fort is my favourite map to defend the base in simply because of the fact there is so many routes to ambush, hide and backtrack. Think you and your Heavy buddy is going to push through because our Engineers are stacking turrets somewhere outside our base? Wrong buddy. Not if I set you alight via dropping from the grate from the sniper deck interior space.

My Dislikes: The stalemate, Oh god the stalemate! Nothing is more annoying playing a game of 2fort where you have a team full of idiots on both sides. People seem to sometimes think that TF2 is HL2 Death Match. It isn't. Your kill/death ratio does not count. It is not on the scoreboard, so it doesn't count. Quit camping, and either be a Scout or Spy and blow up all those stacked freaking turrets now. Stalemates in all TF2 maps are bad, but a 2fort Stalemate can lead to hours of repitition which leads to boredom.

I also despise the fact the open decks of the fort appeal to the whiny kiddy bitch sniper every gamer has in hit. When you see more than 2 Snipers on the deck, or more against a single player panic, go Spy, stab and end the insanity.

Personally, I think 2fort should have another route added in and VALVE should make a slightly larger version for servers that go over 24. Also, more things to blow up plz :(. And living, gibbable chickens.

Name: cp_well

My Likes: Well might be my favourite control point map by look alone. A train yard that sort of reminds me of the good bit of the Blue Shift Half Like expansion between two factories. The battle for the middle control point is also amusingly epic, as you must not be also aware of being out flanked by enemy team members but you must awesome beware of the two trains of death. Nothing is more amusing (Or annoying) than falling prey to these vicious beasts because through the miricle of coding VALVE have made them appear when you least need them to.

The design of the map is also a haven for those Demoman and Soldier chappies who love to jump to higher places. You can easily get into the building for the middle point of the map to gain the advantage at the possible cost of scorched toenails or missing the odd ankle. This map is also chock a block full of places when an eagle eyed Engineer can set up his or her turret. My Sentry kill cherry was lost on this map, just outside to the left of the middle spawn. A Pyro met my level one turret. Sigh.

It also has some watery bits where Spies and Scouts can sneak through. The reason for the name in the first place. It also have huge fricking missles outside the HQ spawn rooms. Awesome.

My Dislikes:

This map is a pain in the ass if you want to be sniper. Seriously. The Battlements are oddly designed, as if they were thrown in at the last minute. Also, the chutes that lead to the moat have an irritating one way only feature. Once you go out, you stay out. A shame if you leap in after some Pyro BBQ's you. Also, like 2fort this map suffers sentry camping. Sentry camping is where several Engineers place turrets right on the door stop of the enemy HQ. Which is sort of, you know, unfair.

It wouldn't suck if the Battlements for snipers were not such a death trap. Aside from that, Well is pretty much an okay well balanced map. It could also do with a few more middle points, but that could go under an extension sort of thing.

Name: cp_granary

Another control point map, which takes place at a Granary Silo. Which is pretty unique place to fight a violent epic battle. It also full of Cargo Containers, another VALVE art fetish from the days of Half Life. Those Cargo Containers are easy to access with the right kind of jump. Like well, it shares the same sort of design. Neutral point in the middle, Red and Blue base at the far top and bottom. In fact, I admit when I first started playing this map and well I kept mixing the two up. It is a common mistake.

This map is gold for Soldiers and Heavies, as death is impossible to escape from the wide sweeping corridoors. The Snipers also have a few choice places to snipe from. Also, it wouldn't be a map set in the Half Life universe without vents to crawl around, which makes Spy infiltration a lot easier. The middle neutral control point of the map is the perfect battleground for the epic Scout Rush. Plenty of cover to hide behind and jump on.

Dislikes: None. Seriously. Granary is the perfect map for a quick TF2 fix, It looks good and adheres to classic map design. No class is gimped on this map. All it needs is the odd pile of grain you can trample into the bloody corpses of your slain foes for the lol.

Name: cp_dustbowl

My Likes: Another Quake era map redone for the fans, Dustbowl is a map of tension and bloody conquest in dusty late gold rush eras mines. The map is devided into several different areas which can be unlocked if the Red teams advances against the Blu team by capturing the single point. Blu team can win by simply keeping the Red team back as the clock counts down. Like Gravel Pit, teams should be stacked by the classes of the offensive or defensive varieties with Blu and Red.

Visually, the map is excellent. It however, could do with a little bit more bloom. Dustbowl is THE map for close combat. If you want to kill a guy with a melee weapon, this is your map. The best section, in my opinion for the map is the second one with the mine and the little outpost outside it. Players here can easily perfect their skills as Demomen as Medic, as either class is a must for both sides during the game.

Each little section also has an alternate route for attack, which like always is quite handy.

My Dislikes: The first section. The control point is simply too close to the spawn point. Seriously. A short walk away. In other words, a good offence can simply sweep away what little defence is assembled because of the BLU team is trying to camp the main spawn point entry way. This doesn't work, becuase they forget the side entry point and the small canyon entry point. Moving that point back a little would make the map last longer on certain rounds.

Name: cp_gravelpit

My Likes: This is one of the new boys, a different type of control point compared to the simple go to a point and stand there. Gravel Pit, a map set in a quarry somewhere Midwest America needs you to take a certain point first. To unlock one of the other points, or both. In other words, this map promotes pure offence or pure defence. In other words, hardcore Heavies, Demomen, Pyro, Soldiers and Medic will love this map. Sniper, Engineers or Spies will not.

Point A, B and C are completely unique. All the CP are in structures, from easy to defend (Point B, which is usually the bloodiest of the map) to the hardest to defend (Despite being on a tower, a simple Pyro can easily ruin every defenders day ontop of Point C). A series of tunnels and the odd warehouse leads to all areas of the map which hosts the points which leads to some interesting ways of getting there (Go the riskier bloody route, or attempt a sneak attack with a spy?)

Gravel Pit is also one of those maps scattered with handy bits of cover of both sides, because, you WILL need it. Especially if you are the attacker. Demomans grenades love bouncing off stuff, including the odd rock and landing at their own masters feet.

My Dislikes:

Turrets should not be allowed to be built ontop of point B's freaking roof. That is annoyingly unfair, since it makes cover worthless. I don't mind death from above from the rockets of some Soldier or a Snipers bullet, but a Level 3 turret just makes the grinding assault annoyingly worthless. Also Valve, do something about Point C. At least make the platform on the top a little bigger.

Name: tc_hydro

My Likes:

Hydro is a biiiiig map. Really big map. Several different maps combined with one. It also has another VALVE art staple. A Dam, A Dam that suspiciously looks like the one in Half Life. You know the one. Territorial Control is an interesting sort of gameplay mode. Red and Blu team own half the map and are given a random section to right in at the start of the game. This happens until most of the map is taken. To do this, you must take the singe control point on the enemies team while guarding yours. This map is one of the most unique in my opinion, and Hydro maps when both teams have decent skill can take the longest or next to 2fort, most likey to end in sudden death themed Stalemates.

I can't quite pin down the area I like of this map. It is the one with the dish ontop and the CP inside, where you can attack the enemy CP from the slope or go into the bedrock of the canyon. I suspect a lot of VALVE artists had Half Life waves of nostalgia. I wouldn't be surprised if Red and Blue were fighting over construction rights of Black Mesa it very self.

Demomen players will espcially lover the interior control point node areas of the map.

My Dislikes:

With a really poor team, Hydro is not fun. But that is pretty much true in most maps. I have no other dislikes for Hydro really. This map must have got the most attention during design because it has areas for everything. Heights and cover for Soldiers and Heavies with ze Medic, narrow rock corridoors for the Pyro, nice little bits of cover for Snipers and Sentries to hide and plenty of alternate routes for Spies to cloak and sneak though.

The only bit of improvement I suggest is adding a new area, where we're fight ontop of the very Dam it self.

In the future, when Badlands and Goldrush are released, I'll do an extension for this article and bring up a few of the best custom maps for TF2 as well.

The DO's and DO NOT Rules of Assassination

Dear all ICT Agents, due to some rather disturbing and not at all amusing incidents that certain several agents have committed (47 is not the only guilty party, Agent 69) we shall hear by publish the list of incidents that have been committed and criticise them extremely. Many Bothans died to give us this information. If some of you remember, we hired you to kill them.

It is advised after the incident of Agent 22, humming Weird Al's 'I think I am a clone now around 47 is suicidal. ICT does not cover for losses of life of this kind.

Corpse Disposal:

DO:

Tuck discreetly out of sight from prying eyes that may alert the authorities or your contact.

DO NOT:

Play with them and place them in a series of poses indicating sexual conduct. Just because they were mostly bad people doesn't mean their carcasses are giant rag dolls for your amusement. This includes you, 47!

Be ware the discovery of a corpse in most instances will be a bad bad thing. Rarely will your Targets goons shrug and go back to picking their noses and will instead flee, increase security procautions or actually start looking for you.

The following areas are bad for corpse disposal: In plain open sight, sprawled infront of a window, left laid infront of a door and infront of your target and his security.

Is it really mature for paid grown Assassins to do this?


Disguise and Infiltration:





DO:

Adapt a disguise of somebody close to or unsuspected by your clients target by any means possibly necessary.





DO NOT:

As much as people hate Christmas these days as well as Children, killing the local shop Father Christmas and taking his clothes does not at all help you with your mission and make you unsuspected to acts of murder. All it does it make you stick out like a sore thumb and give children and survivors horribly festivity themed nightmares. Keeping your weapon hidden also is a big help, Santa rarely packs heat these days.

Please remember, if you are going to dress like this remember the missing details. Like the beard, lack of gun and scent of death.

Also note, dressing up as somebody who is a different race will not cut it these days. Criminal Syndicates are not as racially diverse as we think, despite the times.



Please also note, that Metal Detectors do detect metal, but carring massive fucking bombs also arouses general suspicion. In the future, consider a convinient window with a semi-filled Dumpster underneath.



Equipment:



Do:

Bring the best but lightest and most quiet your money can buy. Also, specialist equipment, compass and kevlar is a must.



Do Not:

Buy the fucking Minigun. You are a HITMAN, not the Terminator.



Please remember, despite the fact the ICT allows a certain freedom when equiping yourself for a mission that in Assassination, being sublte is the greatest weapon. That and having the sense to not choose the largest, heaviest and loudest cannon on your gift list. It simply makes the job harder when you are trying to blend in with a massive Minigun on your person. The thing in my trousers excuse does not work.



Also make note that being cheap also does not cut it. Not every gun you will find on the dead corpse of your targets oddly large group of body guards will be loaded with an entire clip. Rare cases show that to cover the cost of such security, targets skimp on actual ammunition with the guns.



Kevlar is also a must if you are prone to amateur blunders. Please remember, that buying the helmet for emergencies is actually a good idea especially if your big pink bald slaphead with the barcode on the back is the easiest target to hit ever. Also, consider bringing a box of plasters to cover that thing up 47. It is amazing it has not been noticed yet.



Also, inform the ICT that you have been given our older models of portable buggy laptop computers as our early maps are horribly horribly useless. Getting lost is never a good idea when taking part in a hit.



Escape:



Do:

Slip out quietly, with target eliminated, most equipment bought or hired on your person with the suit without any unessiscary deaths.



Do Not:

Blast out of your former targets location, armed with the loudest most inaccurare assault rifle caked in blood wearing your boxes and screaming like an idiot without your equipment while wasting hundreds of SWAT teams and innocent people.



The ICT is and likes to be a mostly secret organisation due to the fact of todays modern ethics, however it sometimes is really hard to keep secret when we're constantly bribing for some of your Rambo-esqe mistakes. This is not the movies, Agents. Causing such emotional and physical damage makes ripples. Some ripples so damn expensive, we will eventually have to dump you all and just go into the Pastry business because Assassination is so damn tricky.



Nobody hires a crude noisy Assassin that draws attention to his or her self. They might as well do the bloody job yourselves. Remember, getting paid is more important than your body count in the next days newspaper.

The List

A quick entry today folks, I searched the vast recesses of my memory and hammered out a crude list of games I've played and owned with the PC since 1998.

Boxed and STEAM games:
Theme Park.
Cannon Fodder.
Theme Hospital.
The Simpsons Cartoon Studio.
Discworld.
Gangsters 2.
Star Wars: Force Commander.
Commandos 2.
The Sims.
The Sims 2.
Cossacks: European Wars.
Cossacks: The Art of War.
Battlefield 1942 and Road To Rome.
Shogun Total War.
Mystery of The Druids.
Medievil Total War.
Jedi Knight Academy.
Rise of Nations.
Half Life 2.
Call of Duty.
Black and White.
Black and White 2.
Command and Conquer Red Alert.
Command and Conquer Red Alert 2.
Star Wars Galaxies.
Star Wars Galaxies Jump to Lightspeed.
Star Wars: Republic Commando.
Rome: Total War.
City of Heroes.
City of Villains.
Counter Strike Source.
HL2 DM.
Sid Meirs Pirates!
Warcraft III.
Warcraft III Frozen Throne.
Half Life Source.
Opposing Force.
Blue Shift.
Half 2 Episode 1.
Half Life 2 Episode 2.
Portal.
Team Fortress 2.
Cossacks 2.
Civilization I, II and IV.
Civilization IV War Lords.
Warhammer 40k Dawn of War.
SiN.
SiN Episode Emergence.
Final Fantasy 7.
The Ship.
Soldner.
Garrys Mod 10.
Il-2 Sturmovok.
American Conquest.
Red Orchestra.
Day of Defeat Source.
Beyond Good and Evil.
Morrowind.
KOTOR 1 and KOTOR 2.
Red Alert A Path Beyond.
Evil Genius.
Republic The Revolution.
Max Payne.
Max Payne 2.
Star Wars: Empire At War.
Star Wars: Empire At War Forces of Corruption.
The Movies.
Homeworld 2.
Halo.
Star Wars: Battlefront 2.
Battlefield Vietnam.
Baldurs Gate.
Planetside.
World War 2 Online.
FarCry.
Rollercoaster Tycoon 3.
Broken Sword 1 and 2.
Peggle.


Mods:
Forgotten Hope.
Fortress Forever.
Dystopia.
Battlegrounds 2.
Zombie Master.
Movie Battles.
Terrae Expugnae.
Pirate Ship Wars 10.
Steiners Mod.
SourceFORTS.
Amra Civ IV Mod.
Max Payne 2 Cinematic.
Galactic Conquest.
Zombie Panic SOURCE.

Other:
Runescape.
Discworld MUD.

Yikes, that is a lot of games. A lot of good memories. Not counting my console games, because I barely remember half of them. I rented games when I could from the local DVD/Video Rental place in the past. Now to read a book and have a apple I think.

My love/hate relationship with Empire At War

I love Star Wars, it aside from books and gaming was one of the first things I geeked out on as a kid during the time they were digitally remastering the Original Trilogy in the cinemas. I sort of blame my father for taking me to see A New Hope for my 8th birthday a long time ago.

And I've supported my own love for the movies by buying a few games made by the once proud now sadly mediorce LucasArts. To be fair, I blame LA a lot for the decline of quality Star Wars games for becoming caught up in the marketing whoreage and hype of the silly bloody prequal movies. Between 2000 and 2005, an army of shoddily done games based on Jedi or the Clone Wars swept out from the HQ of LA and slapped limply against many different console formats and the PC. Many of us loyal fans saw these titles, wept and remembered fondly of X-Wing Versus TIE Fighter, Rogue Squadron or Jedi Knight II.

Knights Of The Old Republic and the slightly buggy sequal have been the ONLY hits in these last couple of years.

One of the biggest Star Wars Gaming mistakes was Star Wars Galaxies, as you have already heard from me. Another brillaint but slightly blundered title is Empire At War, a RTS set during the original trilogy of the Galactic Civil War era of Star Wars. Now, Empire At War doesn't suck. It can be quite entertaining, but there are certain bits made of fail that SHOULD have been fine tuned a little more by the game developers, or scrapped and remade immediatly. Sadly, EaW was part of the last minute marketing for Revenge of The Sith along side the dismal Battlefront 2 and ROTS game. Bugger.

Read on and discover the nitpicks:

Space doesn't work that way!:

Empire at Wars main selling point was suppose to be the epic space battles between the two factions, and for sure these battles can be visually impressive as possible. In the game, named ships can impressively barrage and with detail cause massive chunks of debris to be blown off each other. However, space is oddly strange. Why? BECAUSE SPACE IS GODDAMN LAND BATTLES WITH SPACE SKINS. For some silly, insane and cheap reason LA decided that space didn't need fancy physics like the options for ships to move up or down or have space look and feel like space. Extra annoyingly, they put a frigging grid underneath to remind us we're playing a reskinned land battle with different units. Also, space sometimes can visually be impressive but every battle it is just you, a few tiny Asteroid fields and some odd crappy Nebula randomy littered around. Ugh. Fail. Also, tactics are yawningly simple. Attack the shield generator/hanger hard points then dominate with numbers.

Lack Luster Land Battles:

Land Battles in EaW can sometimes be a pain in the ass. If you are the attacking or defending forces. To win/lose a Land Battle you really just need to have superior numbers attacking or defending. Just get/save the shield Generator, then swamp all the defence points with your units. If you or the enemy have a hero, they must be the first thing over whelmed. Fighting against the Native Units is also equally annoying at times for both sides, since Native Militia are about as useful as an ice cream in the Sahara Desert. The maps too are sometimes too small or the same for some planets. At least, visual wise they don't suck that much.

Awkward Unit Animations:

Land Battle Units seem to walk and act painfully sloooooow, even when they die and about that, using the same death animation where they fall down slowly at the same time is really cheap LA. Couldn't even afford to knock up some crude ragdoll physics at least for the Infantry? for shame. All I can say is, a times thank god there is a button that speeds combat up. Units visually, are alright thankfully unless you have an awful graphics card.

Balance with the factions:

Ah, Balance. A curse on all Star Wars games. The Rebel Alliance traditionally is suppose to be the under equipped old tech using much smaller underdog of the SW Universes but because gaming has to be fair for both sides these days, certain liberties with canon sadly have to be made. That means new units and tech pulled out from nowhere, instead of being edapted from the EU or other movies. Amusingly enough, they do this for the Expansion with the Criminal Tyber Zahn faction but in vanilla EaW prepare to see a few new things like the Tartan Patrol Cruiser, Space Rocket Launchers and that fucking unholy Rebel Artillery unit. At least in space, the Rebels and Empire have the proper advantages. While the Empires Star Destroyers can deal a bitching amount of damage, the Alliance have heavy shielding and fighters not made out of cardboard.

Slow AI:

The AI, unless you are playing on Hard is insanely slow and easy going. They rarely mount a attack on your forces on the reason that they usually pool all their ships into a single fleet and more or less jump randomly from planet to planet. In space or land defence, they can easily be overwhelmed in numbers. The AI cannot be blamed though, since in space or land tactical choices are pretty limited to spamming with numbers or abilities.


So why do I install and play these games? For the feel. Despite game wise, they can be poor at times EaW has the atmosphere that appeals to all Star Wars fans. The music, the symbolic clips from the films, the battlefield on the planets looks and the fact you get to control Darth Vader or the Emperor on a one man slaughter fest. Damn LA for being cheap and simply appealing to the fanboys in us all.

At least, EaW was a very good modding community that unlocks hidden content, improves units stats or animations or simply reinvents the game in total to something a hundred times better than the original vanilla games. Mods like Steiners Mod, or Phoenix Rising for example. So in the final word, EaW is okay, but get it when you know a series of good mods have been released. It would be so worth it to play EaW with a Mod than the sadly slow and dull vanilla version.

A Casual Look At Team Fortress 2 Classes

Right, Now that I have spent several hours of game time in total playing TF2, racking up my stats and exploring the maps I can now knock up several anecdotes about this comedy genius fragfest now. First, we'll tackle the classes.

Before we begin, all classes have been grouped in a specific order of what their talents might be best at. This doesn't mean the Pyro is exclusive for defence of the Sniper is a pansy in one on one combat. Lets start with Offensive, Defensive and finally support.

The speciality of the offensive classes is quite simple, you must push forwards for victory towards your objective. Or in laymans terms, pwn hard and fast without stopping. A good game has a nice balanced mix of Offensive and Defensive classes with a few Supports mixed in. The Offensive classes will see most of the map and action, as well as a huge amount of their own gibs being gurned over by their oppoment.

Defensive, a no brainer again what these guys do. They keep the bad guys that fragged the offensive dudes from pushing forward. These guys are the wall that protect the capture points or intelligince from being taken. A balanced offence and defence is a must for any game.

Support, These guys do little jobs that help the team, from sniping chokepoints to healing to sneaking behind enemy lines making a mess of their suits these guys are very useful when the a stalemate occurs.

The Heavy:

Strengths:

Lays down a huge column of supressive fire, shouts happily, best melee kill.

Weaknesses:

His own damn speed, fast spies and snipers with fetishes for slow bald men carring heavy guns. Demoman Stickies.

Ah, The Heavy. One of the first. First in the trailer, first into battle and usually the first to headshotted because of his bloody speed. Everyone loves the Heavy, despite the fact they call him fattie. Maybe it is because he is so damn happy with what he does and his simple devotion to his comrade, the Medic and his massive Minigun which he nicknames Sasha. Playing the Heavy is simple, you just need to know where to role and have good skills when it comes to shooting things. A simple tip for new players out there, you can wind your gun up AND fire at the same time. I took me two days to figuire this out.

One of the reasons why my STEAM stats state I have played the Heavy the longest isn't simple devotion, it is the fact for a man of his size and wielding a great big metal gun the Heavy is REALLY REALLY slow. Don't expect to get to the frontline to dramatically alter the course of the battle, unless an Engineer has built a Teleporter. Best taunt? His Shotgun one.

The Scout:

Strengths:

Run, running, jump doge jump, capture point and grab intelligince.

Weaknesses:

Engineers Sentry Guns, Demoman sticky bombs anything really that can cause more than 10 damage a second.

Speed man! Speed, the life of a scout is ususally a short one with either sucess or bitter defeat. You are built for being small, irritating and very hard to hit. Never underestimate a Scout in combat but never assume as a Scout you are invincible. The Levered Scattergun the primary weapon of the Scout is hard hitting but it is nothing compared to the shame of being boinked to death by a Scouts Baseball Bat.

Scouts in capture maps have very few uses, usually at the start of the game or when the enemy team seems to have a crap slow defence. Their real strengths show in maps where Intelligince must be nabbed. Scouts also can capture a CP the fastest, because they count as two players instead of one. So being fragile is worth such a handy talent. Scouts also have this lovely ability called double jump, which I must say is very useful unless you are playing on a very laggy server. All the other classes are failures in the art of the jump, but Scout here has not only mastered height but the ability to change direction in jump too. Awesome.

Best taunt? Either his Scattergun or Baseball bat over the body of a fragged foe.

The Soldier:

Strengths:

Blast Things with Rockets, juggle, jump and possibly sing! And the rocket jump.

Weaknesses:

Fire, explosions and his own Rocket Launcher sometimes.

MAGGOTS! You feel like screaming this out yourself, launching a small barage of rockets at your enemies feet, reloading and then accidentally gibbing yourself into a small light red stain on the concrete floor of the cap point. The Soldier is the jack of all, trades, master of none. It is just you, and your rockets soldier. Of course, that isn't a bad thing. With rockets, you have the highest chances of gibbing the poor suckers on the receiving end. A critical hit on an enemy with a rocket is as glorious as a firework. Just remember, to shoot at the baddies feet first.

A Soldier is excellent for bombardment, clearing out campers and sentry guns and of course, frontal assaults. The best taunt? His melee weapon one. Warms the blood up for killing.

Appearinces wise, the Soldier is quite neat. But everyone loves a good helmet, eh? There is an old saying on the battlefield Soldier, if a Medic can't get a Bull he'll grab a Sheep. Meaning, if there isn't a Heavy around and the Medic is almost charged, you have the luck of being god for about ten seconds in the game. Use it wisely old boy.

The Pyro

Strengths:

Burning. Burning things. People. Building. And runs away a lot.

Weaknesses:

His fellow Pyro, really fast Scouts, Engineers Sentries and open spaces.

The weakest of all three Offensives, The Pyro needs a man with a brain to play him. First thing is first, running out in the open with a flame throwers makes your look like an idiot if there isn't a narrow opening, a team mate or a tunnel to hide in. You need to ambush and BURN your enemy, not get gibbed buy every single weapon on the opposing teams side in an instant. It really can be embarassing. When playing a Pyro, the term patience is a virtue does come to mind. Stalk, hide, ambush and harass the enemy until they burn to a crisp.

Pyros are excellent for sowing the seeds of chaos, especially over the control point. A single agile Pyro can ruin an entire effort in grabbing a point. Make that Pyro you. Pyros are the natural enemy of the Spy, since being cloaked is not flame resistint and the Pyro will enjoy wandering around the place looking for things to burn in his own way. He is a unique charactor, who has no nationality we can confirm and possibly a love to dressing up as a girl as strong as his love for fire.

The best taunt? Hard to choose, But I say his melee weapon one.

The Medic:

Strengths:

Being more agile than other classes, the ability to heal team mates, auto-heal and the uber charges.

Weaknesses:

Being a walking target for everything on the field of battle and the syringe gun.

Ah, The Medic. The legendary jodphur wearing German Mad Scientist Sterotype. A very useful class, the best friend of the Heavy and wieleder of the uber charge. Medics are essential for breaking through enemy lines and well, keeping your team mates alive because Medkits and Med Lockers are few and far between. Medics also heal when they are hurt, making them more durible than other classes on the field.

A good Medic needs good judgement skills and a good sense of direction. The beam of the Healing Gun can only go so far. Soldiers and Heavies are the guys that need the most healing in the heat of battle, as well as Dem0men. Heal Engies when you respawn. Don't bother healing Scouts if they don't stop, Spys because this will easily give their position away. Always heal any team mate on fire, because being set alight is such an inconvinience.

Interesting, the Medics bone saw melee weapon not only has one of the best taunts, but does the most damage in the game compared to the other melee weapons.

The Engineer.

Strengths:

Construction of Death Turrets, Teleporters and Dispensors.

Weaknesses:

Spys and their Sappers, Snipers and running out of metal.

The king of defence, the Engineer, especially when two of them work together should be feared and despised. Why? Because Engineers build turrets. Turrets that camp, and are allowed to camp. A level three twin chaingun turret with a missle launcher can ruin everyones day, unless they have been ubercharged by a Medic. A good Engineer needs to know his base off by heart, mainly the awkward hard to reace places that have excellent killing fields for his turrets. A good Engineer must also be brave and have the balls to leave his gun, go out into the frontline and plant a Teleporter somewhere to speed up slow dudes like the Heavy to get into the action quicker.

Medics must always be suspicious of odd types lurking in the base away from the battlefield. Especially if they stand anywhere near their turrets as their Natural foe, the Spy (Spyicious Sneakous) will stab them in the back, plant sappers causing their equipment to explode and laugh at them before nicking the Intelligince and leaving your base. Engineers can help the construction of their equipment by whacking them harder with their wrenches. Engineers can also recycle the weapons of the fallen for their turret and dispensor needs as well as the odd box of ammo lying around.

Best taunt, his Wrench taunt. Never seen a man so happy.

The Demoman:

Strengths:

Having grenades, being able to set traps with his Sticky Bomb Launcher and essential mastery of basic physics.

Weaknesses:

Lack of any weapon for close combat aside from his melee weapon, being a black scottish cyclops, RELOAD RELOAD GOD RELO-, and being the best choice for enemy Spys to immitate.

The Demoman is god, Always respect the Demoman. He is crusher of turrets, setter of clever but irritating sticky bomb traps and the only chap who can still spam his deadly grenades. The Demomans grenades should also be feared, because they don't do damage like a soggy brillo pad but infact cause death followed by gibs apon contact. The Demoman should be called if the Soldier fails at Sentry Gun removal. The Demoman uber charged by a Medic is fearsome, because he can now dance around his own explosions without any harm.

Not to say the poor chap has his faults. He is the right speed and usually, the right place in battle for a good Spy to copy. An Engineer won't blink is he spots a Demoman lurking around 2-Fort until he is knifed in the back. A Demoman, like the Soldier with his rocket jump, can use one of his bombs to jump to a higher place. Health and speed wise, the Demoman is the Medium of both.

The best taunt? His Pipe Bomb Grenade Launcher one. Nothing can counter that.

The Sniper:

Strengths:

The Scope of Zooming, Quick recharge, excellent secondary ranged weapon and mobile anti-Heavy defence.

Weaknesses:

Lack of Periphial Vision, Butterfly Knives to his back, Laser sight, enemy snipers with quicker reactions and being confused in a close quarters battle.

There is always one in any FPS game, a Sniper Rifle. The Sniper is an impressive class and very well balanced despite the deadliness of his bolt action rifle. His MP-40 looking Sub Machine gun is also very very good when it comes to close quarters combat and has a decent amount of ammo. Snipers may be more fragile than glass being the second weakest class but still put up one hell of a fight.

The charge bit of the Sniper Rifle is surprisingly easily, it does it by it self and is very fast. This however makes the dot of the laser sight very visible to your potential target. Lack all Snipers in all games, it is not common to get killed by something in close quarters because you are busy trying to pick off that nasty bugger of a Sniper on the other side of the map.

The best taunt? His Sniper Rifle one. So true.

The Spy

Strengths:

The deadly backstab, going Predator with cloak, the ability to disguise and the Magnum of death.

Weaknesses:

Knife is terrible for stabbing anything but the back, can't cloak if holding Intelligince, loses disguise if bumped into or shot by enemy and limited time to cloak.

The Spy, one of everyones favourite classes in TF2 because they are kings of humiliation and trickery. Nothing says pwned more than being humbled by a Spy because your fragging spree has kept you rooted to the same spot facing the same direction way longer than you should have. Good Spys must know where to go on maps and who to disguise as. It is obvious the main way out of the base is out, since everyone and their mothers are watching it on the opposite team. Cloak or not, splash damage of spammed rockets will get you.

Be clever, use alernate routes and get behind enemy lines before disguising. A quick work of warning, never disguise as the Spy or enemy Scout. Your speed will remain the same, and Engineers will shoot you for being a Spy whether you are wearing your colours or not. A clever spy can easily disassemble a ramshackle defence by sapping turrets and other Engineer equipment and kacking off their best players. The best Spy can be healed, then uber charged by an enemy Medic.

The Spy Magnum is deadly, two or three shots should be enough to dispatch your foe. Be careful with your cloaking and teleporting too. And the best taunt, his Magnum one after bloody combat.

So, that is it. Next TF2 update will be about the maps, my likes and dislikes of them and general pleas to VALVE for some more of them.

Christmas Gaming Bonanza!

Oy vey, Christmas finished and my birthday and it seems I've been given quite a few requested games to waste time on and write about.

First off, The Crowning Jewl of the Set is The Orange Box. Despite being a few months late, I finally get all the Portal references people are dropping and indulge in heavy cartoon themed violence every now and then now. I am planning to play HL2 Episode 2 somewhat in the new year. I also received a Sold Out version of Broken Sword 1 and 2. Praise the gift givers! I've never actually played Broken Sword 2.

I also got Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 and the expansion. At last, it seems the gaming circle is complete seeing one of my first true PC Games was Theme Park in 1998. I am looking forward to opening my cheekily named Theme Park once more and erecting Rollercoasters I'd never ride in real life.

My Sisters received a copy of The Sims 2, which I will be borrowing when I can for a quick go. I remember the fun of the original, and I am pleased to see while peeking over my sisters shoulder a huge amount of change has happened, especially in the area of customisation.

I have also nabbed a Copy of Black and White 2, and the Empire At War expansion. So in the next few months, I'll be smashing things with a crowbar, being god, watching over my little Sim Families, creating my own Disney and taking over the Galaxy with crime. Action packed!

I'll update if I find/buy anymore games, but at the moment my biggest problem is HD space. Never be cheap with HD space with games these days, trust me, At least have a 100 Gigabyte HD minimum people!

Oh, and an amusing gem I dug up from SomethingAwful earlier for those interested. Apparently, the SA Goons (Or forum goers for those who don't read SA) MS Painted a series of game characters in their old age, sad yet greatly amusing:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/ms-paint-video.php?page=1

Quality Machinima I Like

Entertainment these days is a funny thing, you will find more good things on the internet that the actual Television. One of the more original things is the gaming art of Machinima, which turns simple games where you shoot somebody in the head to something more artistic (Or really badly edited footage of you shooting somebody in the head in black and white online).





Like the Silver Age of Hollywood, Machinima has also begun to shine making us laugh, cry or cry wtf?!.





In this entry I am going to list a few notable single Machiis (I'm not sure what the proper term is for more than one, so I winged it) or Machinma series on the web with appropriate links. I'll also vaguely ramble about them enough to make them appealing enough to be checked out.








Rooster Teeth Productions AKA Red Versus Blue:





The guys (And eventually, girls) that started the mainstream modern movement of Machinima should get a little bit more recognition for more than just RvB. They've also done PANICS (A short series based on FEAR) The Stranger Hood (The Sims 2) and a series based on that Rubbish Fantasy Shoot 'Em Up Game.





In fact, they are so good god help any Machinima series where a character has the slighest trait from a character IN RvB (Despite the fact that characters in some Machinma have to act crazy because people don't make subtle animations in most games where you shoot bullets into people) that some fucking idiot will be leave a poorly spelt comment informing other viewers.





RvB is about two teams of Spartan armour wearing Marines stuck in the Blood Gulch map in an alternative timeline to the original HALO, Where they beat the nasty aliens and civil war began. Both teams are full of people who simply became soldiers because they could shoot guns, not because of their personalities. Nobody here is well adjusted. In fact, the characters of the infamous anime Neon Genesis Evangelion are hyper active and friendly compared to these guys.





The writing for RvB is very very good. There are moments that will make you laugh your head off, or nod in agreement. It is also one of the longest running Machinima ever. The series makes a leap from Halo to Halo 2 on the 3rd season and rumours are that RvB IF made will take place in Halo 3 with a different set of maladjusted future soldiers. The success of RvB is pretty awesome, because you can buy DVDs of the thing instead of spending hours on the internet looking for each episode. Which is a good idea, because the quality of the 1st series outside the DVD is pretty poor.





You can find Rooster Teeth's website here, Where they host some of the episodes of most of their machinima and the forums themselves.





http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/home.php





Lit Fuse Productions:





While RvB is the leading Machinima when it comes to Halo, Lit Fuse covers mainly Half Life 2 and several other VALVE games in their little portfolio. Lit Fuse was eventually conceived from several famous Posters of the HL2 GMOD Comic making community, PHW forums. Led by the plucky Michael and eccentric Steinmann, the team work hard to provide some quality stuff to watch.





The War Of The Servers, A two hour long War of The Worlds Parody set in Gmod is one of their best, other quality mentions are the excellent done Ignis Solus in Team Fortress 2 which is simply done easily using the games animations and the simple noclip STEAM console command. They also did Maintenance Man which is an amusing take on the events of early HL2 Episode 1 from the Combines POV and are working on the amusing Civil Protection series.





Lit Fuse Films are long and have a rather majestic soundtrack compared to the usual five minute bites of most web Machinima and are must sees for the obsessive VALVE/HL2 fans out there. Their Website hosts in site flash browsers and links to most of their materiel. I seriously suggest checking out Ignis Solus especially if you a TF2 Pyro fan. Lit Fuse also has a STEAM Community you can join if you want to help out somehow with their projects or just hang out.





http://litfusefilms.com/





The Janus Syndicate:





http://janus-syndicate.com/?page_id=5





While Lit Fuse is the big, bold and majestic son of HL2 Machinima, The Janus Syndicate are a smaller but more original grass roots movements. Old that Lit Fuse (They have been doing stuff since the original Counter Strike) the The Janus Syndicate which has been revived by quite a few FacePunch forum members and help focuses more on the humour spectrum of the HL2 Universe at large.





The JS work on Independent Projects from time to time, much like Lit Fuse but also have several rather interesting Machinma series under their belts. My favourite one of these is HL2 Mod Tod, where a man named Tod jumps plays an online HL2 Mod with his only friend, a mic and sort of reviews the mod amongst planned and accidental improvised comedy. The Janus Syndicate loves to parody things, even more than Lit Fuse as you will see if you watch Dirty Garry (A Gmod RP Dirty Harry Parody) and Dr Strangeman (A General HL2 Universe Pardody of Dr Strangelove).





The JS host all their works on YouTube, all links of which appear on their constantly updated website with a forum. They also have a very friendly STEAM Community you can join if you want to help or just hang out with them.





I also suggest checking out the first episode of The GMAD Squad too.








http://janus-syndicate.com/?page_id=5





Smooth Few Films:





One of the newer studios, Smooth Few Films currently are working on only two series at the moment, the Counter Strike Source based Leet World and something involving Halo 3.





The Leet World is interesting, Because Counter Strike Source is an untouched medium when it comes to long term Machinima. The premise with The Leet Word is quite simply, The Counter Terrorists and Terrorists taking part in a Reality Show. They live in the ramshacke house that is the Militia hostage rescue map. The Counter Terrorists and Terrorists each have a rather unique personality. They Producers use a mix of Counter Strike Source and GMOD 10 for filming, which gives them certain liberties like Lit Fuse and Janus Studios thanks to Mods and other stuff that can easily be put into the game.





I mentioned the Leet World at the start of the blog, but here is the website where you can watch or download most of their episodes. You can also find The Leet World on YouTube.





http://www.theleetworld.com/

The Horsemen of the Apocaypse the guys behind The Fortress:

These guys are quite new but they are also pioneers of independent TF2 Machinima, they have decided to do something quite unique for The Fortress. Instead of the series being about the characters in the game, it is sort of about the (voices) of the players playing the game, sort of RPing their parts in total. The series is quite unique, because due to the fact you will get people that in real life nothing like their TF2 counter parts (For example, A Woman plays The Heavy and amusingly, the guy playing the Scout class sounds just like him!). Sort of hardcore philosphy hidden amongst the witty humour.

The only thing The Fortress needs to improve is time (As well as maybe tone the camp factor down of the gay Engineer. Nothing wrong with being gay I am not at all homophobic, but dammit that sterotype is annoying).

These guys also have their own STEAM Community, as well as a forumsite where you can download their videos. Like The Leet World, most of their episodes are currently on YouTube.

http://www.team-brh.com/thefortress/

Nurdbots Guide To Online Mic Users

In this modern broadbandtastic headshot a minute respawn a second word of online gaming, we don't have time like we used to type OMG YOU HACKER into the six line sized box that is public chat in online gaming. Yes, thanks to the rise of technology these days gamers would rather use a mic with or without a headset, instead of replying in the distracting method of typing out or using pre-recorded voice commands to inform the team that their collective asses were being kicked.


At last, you can finally scream through your cheap three pound mic with relish and accuse somebody of being a hacking fag slut, with your speakers on high, hand on chest and TK macro at the ready. I myself, thanks to the last few years of casual gaming on STEAM game servers have researched, rechecked, tore up, fabricated, tore up and finally released a list of the several categories of the most infamous of Mic users in the gaming battlefields. Read on and learn, my unwashed masses!


Captain Tactical Strategy:

Captain TS is a strange creature, he is a man who knows from the deep pit of his soul that he himself can only lead his fellow gamer into winning the game by using teamwork, following his orders and doing the objective. Sadly, Captain TS is also extremely naive thinking that his fellow public server gamers are a team of loyal, hard thinking and intelligent group of people instead of lone wolf assholes with the suicidal urges of a Lemming high on quality speed wearing Rollerskates while visiting Dover for the Weekend.


And for that, he will, most of the time be ignored by fellow gamers much to his dismay and frustration. Sometimes, he will even get aggressive and lose his cool picking fights with other players, arguing over against fellow Mic users or text types alike. He usually is either a guy who was once the leader of a rather decent amateur Professional Clan in the old Quake or CS era of gaming or less commonly an actual Military Officer in real life who is a gamer.


The Master DJ:

His name does what it says on the tin, The Master DJ loves music and WILL share it with you throughout the entire game, piping it through his microphone either for an application made for playing music in the game online or (god help you) forgoing quality and playing a cheap CD Player really loud next to his mic on the desktop. The man rarely speaks himself, too busy rocking out with his cock out while everyone trying to communicate in attempts to beating the opposite team is being drowned out by the latest POS that is in the charts or some awful Techno rubbish.


Master DJ actually has a sense of humour, and sometimes will even grant requests to friendly players on the server. Oddly enough, the Master DJ has an evolutionary spin off, the LAWL Master DJ. The LAWL Master DJ plays sound, either clips or actual rather embarrassing music from a series of Internet memes. He will also attempt failing at being ironically funny too. It is theorised he is the offshoot of the Token Internet Asshole and Master DJ's mother.

The Token Asshole:

Like everything else with humanity involving something more than a single person, there is an asshole in the online mic using gaming community. The Token Asshole is usually a 14 year old teenage male, or a male in his late thirties. Both share the same common affliction of not shutting the fuck up and hanging themselves. The Token Asshole, has one objective. To annoy everyone for laughs.


How they do this, is in a variety of ways. From barking out random offensive and racist terms as casual and loud as if it was the thirties again over the mic, to screaming, screeching, farting, arguing with their mothers or in general creating an echo with their speakers on purpose. They will not care for you, the team or even the game they are playing. We suspect now these people have decided their ultimate aim in the universe is to be banned from every online game ever to gain the crown of King Asshole.


The TA loves to piss off Captain TS, Constantly accusing him of being a different sexuality over the mic, pettily arguing with him or just drowning him out so the game can be lost quicker. The Internet asshole almost has a creepy modern day Michael Jackson effect with the Kid.


The Kid:

Considering parents these days are quite liberal and gaming appeals to almost everyone now, It isn't usual you will get the odd visit or two by The Kid, his voice when using the mic instantly tipping off how old he is in a second. Now, remember to go easy on the fellow. Yeah sure, your age you were more interested in cartoon and not going to school but this guy could become a
pro-gamer or hardcore modder in the future. So to be space, be cool with him.


The Kid is usually quite competent at times and gets along great with everyone. He however, has two major down sides. The first is, being a child, he is quite impressionable and chances are he'll become friends with the Internet Asshole, who teaches him that is quite all right to keep dropping the N-bomb and using other colourful language on the mic during the game us quite fair and fun. He also rarely has a hot sister in her late teens, willing to kick him off, take over and talk on the mic.

Negative Dude:
Woe betide if you can hear the Negative Dude, woe to you more if he is on your team because being the delightful confident and patriotic person he is will keep informing that A, we're losing and B, we suck because we are losing. Amusingly enough, Negative Dude himself is rarely above average in such situations and refuses to acknowledge the fact the reason the team is losing is because he is sapping morale, will not shut up and generally sounds funny.


However, the Negative Dude can actually, but rarely sort of cheer up when he is certain things are going the teams way he is on. If not, he'll usually just switch sides to the opposite team who immediatly begin to lose horribly.


Foreign Guy:


This one is usually quite rare, the Foreign Guy is simply a poor soul who has wondered into a random server and is speaking his langauge fluently not getting until it is too late that the server he has joined doesn't have a major multi-lingual population. You yourself can easily become the Foreign Guy if you join a server which is clearly marked by the name as a French/Spanish/German/Chinese speaking server. Sadly, Foreign Guys who can't speak or type english yet use the mic are destined to be kicked for the amount of confusion it could cause. We know a majority of gamers have trouble understanding the basic commands of online gaming in english after all.


The Foreign Guy is the second favourite target of the internet asshole, hopefully however foreign guy has no idea what the hell the Internet Asshole is saying to him.

Documentary: Rise of the Video Game

A short post today readers, but a rather interesting one.

The Discovery Channel recently has begun airing a several part documentary basically about the history of the electronic game. This little program of around forty minutes covers the creation of gaming as secret hobbies of Cold War Technicians right up to to days multi-million dollars industry.

The program is full of some very interesting tidbits not even Wikipedia knows (Until some anal person puts them in the thing at least) like the origin of why Pacman was Pacman and how the September the 11th Terrorist Attack helped the War Gaming platform. A lot of key players of gaming are interviewed in the program too.

I have the Veoh Links here, each link is a full episode that requires you to register with Veoh and download their player (Both are free and not at all buggy). They are worth watching indeed.

Level 1:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1571248E3fqmwNW
Level 2:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v15720553SxXjfCh
Level 3:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1622155ymCZMYQC
Level 4:
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1641365kTByTTtJ

Mod Play: Empires 2.0

Yes boys and girls, it it is time once more for another edition of Mod Play!

I have a gun! At last! Now world, you put YOUR hands up!

Name: Empires 2.0

Game: Half Life 2.

Type: Multiplayer FPS/RTS Hybred.

War! Hah! Good God, What is it good for? Fun apparently...

Now Empires has a small history, It was originally a Battlefield 1942 Mod which would explain the slight resemblance to the Models, The grid map and the diverse list of user friendly mechanised killing machines which you don't usually see much bigger than a few vehicles in your average HL2 Mod. Vehicles aside from the Buggy and Air boat were rare in HL2 mods because of the SOURCE engine at the time, but the Mod as you can see has worked around such problems and benefitted greatly with a huge amount of engine upgrades since 2004.

Soldiers in Empires are attracted to free ammoz like gazelles to watering holes.

The FPS bit is also quite BF1942-esqe. You and your fellow grunts must capture the Refineries dotted around the map while icing as much as the enemy possible with various weapons and vehicles. The RTS bit, with the Commander, places buildings down, organises the Squads of Infantry to actually do something instead of the usual anarchy in these sort of games for rewards that unlock the further skills for their classes (we'll get into that in a little bit) and help win the game for their side. The Commander (Who at the start of each round is elected) also has a RTS view of the entire map without fog of war inside his own vehicle, the Command Vehicle. If this is eliminated, the game is lost. Destroying the Command Vehicle is one of the easier ways to win a game. The other is to simply smash the opposite teams tickets down to 1 and kill all the Engineers to stop them re spawning. The attrition way. Commanders can also research and upgrade their teams technology giving them better vehicles, improved body armour and improving the damage dealt to the enemy forces with ease.

I am the Angel of Death. There will be no survivors.

They flushed away a perfectly good Engineer, only a little blood on him!

There are three different games modes, The RTS mode where bases must be built and tickets wore down until you smash the enemy commander with your bigger better armoured army as well as the classic Conquest where your team must capture strategic areas of the map in man on man urban combat. The 3rd mode, escort I have sadly not played but with a title like that I imagine it has something to do with keeping your Commander alive and moving.

Lots of manly uniformed men holding manly guns about to do a deal of great manly things Like dying manly! and shooting manly!

In fact, Empires was one of the first FPS multiplayer game with the RTS Commander Modded in modern times . So when you are having fun as the Commander in Battlefield 2 or 2142 thank Empires for adding this little system, otherwise we'd have something cheaper and less appealing. It actually is sort of fun, when you listen to your Commanders orders and get something right. Don't be too upset somehow is a Donkey instead of a Lion is elected leader and has no idea what the hell is doing. Empires is also one of the games where a Mic is incredibly useful. The interface DOES of course come with an excellent menu of voice commands but a mic usually makes thinks easier getting your Commanders attention and also adds a layer of amusement to the game.

We have got to stop conscripting the blind, they are terrible at this.

We know of the bone of the game, you cry, but what of the meat? Empires 2.0 has lots of it. In addition to over 12 unique maps for the game, all of them very well done (some Imported and Retooled for the SOURCE Engine from the BF1942 version) the two armies of the game the Northern Faction (Crazy Yellow Loving Slav Rebels) and the Brenodi Empire (Evil-Commie Nazi's!) have two unique styles with not only their appearances, but with their vehicles, weapons and buildings too. Each side however, has the same four combat classes. Rifleman, Scout, Engineer and Grenadier.

Two APCS depart a Brendoni Empire base, destined to spawn nubs into war!

You can ride shotgun in most of the vehicles, and shoot from the top too!

Rifleman is the jack of all trades, master of none. He can choose between the normal Rifle, the heavier offensive version or the MG for defence and suppressive fire. Scout is your typical Artillery Spotter and Saboteur Commando. Engineer can build buildings and walls, heal and revive fallen comrades and upgrade turret defences with ease. Grenadiers are masters of everything explosive. They can drop bombs onto campers with Mortars, Shatter armoured hulls with their Anti-Tank Rocket Launcher or drop mines that are hazard to man and machine. All classes can help an Engineer build up structures and walls by helping with the welding by pressing E.

The Engineers humble pocket Calculator, creator of Empires.

Engineers can drop Ammo and Health Supply crates for Infantry

for when the base armoury is too far away or the player is too fat/lazy.

The FPS bit gets even more diverse with classes and skills as well as selectable weapons. For example, after joining Bravo Squad I choose to be a Scout. Tapping the B key, I choose my first skill (You get a free skill point for joining and working with squads, which makes not going solo even more appealing) cloak and then instead of the sniper rifle grab a machine pistol and Flash bang Grenade. I catch a ride with the APC leaving the base, leave halfway through the intended route and sneak behind enemy lines to disrupt Engineers Turret production by cloak, shoot and sabotage. As I gain points for the kills and damage, I will soon unlock up to three more skills for myself as I gain Rambo-esqe experience from the battlefield.

Tense stand offs between Tanks overrunning Engineer outposts happen a lot.

The Mortar, A Campers worst nightmare.


Vehicles in the game can also be customised. You can choose what kind of engine to put in your APC to make it faster or go up hills better, or to make your tank heavier with that extra grenade launcher. Most vehicles can be multi-crewed, the most useful vehicle in the game next to the Commanders little Camper van is the APC, which is a mobile spawn point players can spawn from as long as it is standing on its own two wheels. Vehicles cost resources to spawn and create, and unlike BF1942, wasting one is a pretty serious offence. Luckily, Commanders have an option to limit what the Vehicle Factory can produce, or just decide what needs to be built so rounds are not spoilt by smacktards building waves of pointless jeeps.


Two cannons good! One cannon bad!

When playing the game, you will indeed have some excellent moments like I have had and will keep on having. Desperately building a wall with two Engineers under enemy APC turret fire, watching in satisfaction as you dive behind cover a fully loaded Northern faction jeep rolls over your mine, sneaking deep behind enemy lines and sabotaging their refineries or simply getting a kill with the Shotgun Pistol. Yes. That is one of the Northern Faction sidearms, a Pistol that fires shot. It has the best animations I have seen in ages on a HL2 game weapon. All the guns in the game are pretty, from the Brendoni Empires Engineer SMGs, To the Northern Factions Steam punk looking Landmines. However, melee combat is also there, in the Halo-esqe manly form of beating an enemy to death with your weapon. Most of the non-scoped or Machine Gun Rifles also have iron sights. Deep joy!



Look! The Shottie Pistol, and the Rebel Wall Fortifcation.

Northern faction Mine, Cutest Mine Ever.

Empires 2.0 at the moment as a pretty successful player count when it comes to a HL2 Mod, On average around 200-300 players are playing. The main appeal to the thing I expect, is mostly the vehicles and promised tactical and team work moments of the game. It is indeed something a little different from the usual frag and smash of HL2 Multiplayer gaming. The maps and general atmosphere of the game is very well done indeed. The interface needs a little more tweaking and the models need to look a little bit more pretty (Both promised in the up coming updated SOURCE Engine update, along with flying vehicles) and the sticky grenades of the Rifleman have an annoying habit of not, well sticking to a rampaging blood thirsty target when needed. You will also need to do a little bit of keymapping.

Angered and lonely due to years of war, Soldiers communicate their feelings through the means of bullet graffiti.


The next update should be very good for Empires, because it is increasing the highest player cap to 64 player. I have never heard of a HL2 Mod with that many players before and I will be quite interest indeed to see how this one does turn out. Hopefully, It won't lag and we will see some magnificent battles. The Installer file for the game is pretty large (Over 700 Megabytes) and I suggest the most reliable way in downloading the game is to simply join Filefront and use their IGN Downloader Client. It gets the job done efficiently.




Good Leadership and teamwork ensures you stride over the corpses of your fallen enemy...


...or gets you reduced to a bloody splatter on the landscape because of smacktardation.


Empires is lovely Mod, revived from the BF1942 Engine to the SOURCE Engine and your Empires need you soldier to fight in this crazy ragdoll physics explosive Warfest! Right now! Join Squad Bravo on the double man! And pick up a Rifle. Remember to press F10 in the game for all the info and you need and for god sake, don't become a Commander. Please. Don't waste noble, intelligent and well loved tickets. And your soldiers lives too, I guess.

This is my rifle, there are many ones like it, but this is mine. Because I aimbotted it.

Point 'n' Click: The Beloved Dinosaur of Gaming

A long time ago, before today's fancy high resolution detailed 3D graphics, quality sound and havoc physics engine gaming on PCs used to be quite different. More flat, sprite-esq and easier on the hard drive when it came down to the size. And during those days, there was a genre called point and click games. These games didn't involve shooting thugs in the face or general construction of cities/armies/planet earth or even teaming up with your mates to smack something until it gave you exp. These games were interesting interactive stories.

Nowadays, They have been usurped by the more addictive, pretty and interactive (But still slightly shallow) Plat former RPGS. Just remember, as you bounce happily around with Mario on Mario Galaxies with your Wii your hands are stained with PnC games blood. Your dirty murderer :(.

A few famous titles come to mind, mainly Day of The Tentacle, Monkey Island, Broken Sword and the Discworld trilogy. Instead of shooting nasties in most of these games you had to outwit them, either with your main characters cheeky conversation skills or using random stuff your obsessively stolen all over the place to slat together a crude puzzle using lateral thinking.

Occasionally, mostly with the Broken Sword games you could mess up and have your main character cruelly killed. Many times in my experience poor George Stobbart of the Broken Sword series got shot, imprisoned or fell into a lethal trap because of my cheap assumptions and bad reaction times (Of course, I can reach the heavily armed man, shock him and in the next two second grab the lethal gun!. Ow.)

In these games days, they had the pinnacle of all gaming tech behind them (Very well drawn and rendered art, full voice acting with was a rarity back then where text usually took voices places and professional very well done stories) and were indeed quite a fun way to introduce a family friend into gaming. Funny how Tabloid Newspapers focused on the Dooms and Duke Nukem's of the day, but never cared for Sam and Max Hit the Road or Monkey Island eh?

The stories in these were made out of pure emotion. If you accidentally led your hero into a messy death, you felt horribly guilty. When Rincewind got really sarcastic (Eric Idle does lovely voice acting in games, I do hope we hear more from him) you can't help but snicker and the fictional character match maker inside you screamed at George and Nicole to get together!

This whole field was something that LucasArts was very very good out. Yes, LA did NOT make usually crappy Star Wars tie in games once upon a time many years ago. Back then, they made some golden Star Wars games too but we'll chat about that some other time. Even today, in the mighty year of 2007 Grim Fandango, Day of The Tentacle and the Monkey Island Trilogy cannot be beaten by the recent reappearance of PnC's bastard son.

Yeah, PnC returned majorly a few years ago with the release of Broken Sword 3 in full 3D. A few PnC games come out rarely now of this genre, but a majority of them are dog poo badly knocked up and released by a few amateur gaming companies with barely any experience, funds and a sane deadline. After all, why spend months even years making an action packed FPS with complicated animations, processor hogging explosions and complicated multi player modes when you can hire a few down on their luck porn actors, shove them in a voice studio and hire somebody who can knock togther polygons that resemble homosapien. And chuck in a few hundred bugs with a hack of a script writer fired from the latest series of The Simpsons.

My favourite games of the whole genre, however, have always been the Discworld ones. I've always been a fan of Terry Pratchetts Discworld for as long as I can remember and the Discworld games amused me greatly despite the fact when I got older and read the books discovered that Terry, quite cheekily, borrowed and merged several of his book plots for Discworld 1 (Guards! Guards! crossed with The Light Fantastic) and Discworld 2 (Reaper Man, Soul Music and Moving Pictures). The best one of these was Discworld Noir which took to the 3D plane beautifully and was actually a very well down story. I lost my PSX version of the game and ache to replay the thing sometimes. One of these days, I am going to look in the bargain bin for a PC replacement. Assuming it runs on Windows XP.

So PnC, we wish you well with our sepia tinged nostalgia. Just stop dropping horrible attempts to cash in on your past successes (The recent Sam and Max crap fests) and we wish you the best luck for a proper re-emergence into the gaming industry now that story is the most craved for elements in our digital Rambo/MMO/Dictator binges. Thankfully, a lot of these titles are either sold in Bargain Bin Remastered packs or available to play thanks to the SCUMM application with several others if you own the older DOSS era games. It is such a damn shame we never got a serious Star Wars version of these based on one of the more better expanded Universe Novels.

Oh, and in the words of beloved Guybrush, You apparently fight like a cow.